kaYpoX yoU and mE!!

It's been so long..

2007-12-01T14:53:00.000+08:00

I just realised that I have not been blogging for a while..

Time Passes really fast..

Now it is already the end of my 3rd year sem 1 already..

haix..

This sem SUX!

Workload is CrazilY alot..

Projects and Projects..

Reports and more reports..

other than reports, I oso busy with NOC...

I am going Shanghai for NOC...

dunno whether this is a wise choice...

But already accepted...

think would be quite a different and unusually experience ba..

Kinda looking forward to it...

Dunno whether if i am too deprived from shopping...

I recently kept imagining myself shopping at orchard road...

sianx...

pple playing le..

i still studyin...

i oso have the craving to sing....

somebody pls jio me go Kbox....

I really itch for that....

u noe..

this sem exams, think i really nv put in much effort...

probably becos i noe i going NOC le..

den no heart and no mood to study...

just feel like playing...

clubbing...

shopping....

partying!!

my bdae coming...

21st bdae...

very impt...

booked a chalet at NSRCC...

but it's a belated celebration since there are no more chalets in deC!

FuLLy bOokED?!!

siAnx...

but nvm la...

it's just to have fun...

going for a 1 mth internship at shaw towers...

looking forward to it....

think it will be challenging and interesting...

people there seems nice

the manager is quite charismatic...

haha....

but then, i am attached...

so... u noe....

not possible...

yesterday i quarrelled w my sister...

quite a heaty argument...

she very xiao qi....

still doesnt want to talk to me....

irritating lor....

little things den so petty...

cannot kan kai one lor...

but den...

i feel quite uneasy....

haiz....

i really love my sister a lot la...

but den...

feel that she has lost respect for me...

so quite upset and angry....

den became furious and scolded her ba...

she oso very mean lor...

says so many rude things to me...

i oso nv put it to heart...

haix...

dunno what's the world coming to...

dunno what i am doing oso la...

could have avoided this argument ba...

but i didnt...

could have been nicer to her..

but i didnt...

what has got into me???

i reallly wonder....

shld be studyin...

but only study for half hour...

den got sleepy and distracted...

dun seem to be able to focus well recently...

too many distractions...

hate distractions..

somebody please make me more focus!!!

haix......

i going shanghai soon le.. in less than 2 mths time..

will i miss singapore??

will i miss home??

wun be celebrating chinese new year w my family for the first time...

will i be able to take it??

so many questions..

but no answers at all..

Crap~~

Exams Over!~!!

2007-05-03T23:09:00.001+08:00

YeaHh...

Finished my Exams..

Felt my loAD much lighter now..

Finally can have a good rest...

ByEx...

My babY..

2007-04-21T20:19:00.000+08:00

This is my Baby.. and I love hIm..

haIx....

2007-04-20T20:51:00.000+08:00

I dunno wad to do le...

whY everytIme this kind of thIng happens?

arenT we stiLl very hapPy last night?

den why must it alwaYs be one of us sUddenLy chaNgE mood..

and spOilt the whoLe thIng..

whY do u waN to teLl me thaT i aM the onE to make u so miserabLe?

whY am I the onE that's causiNg u alL this PaiN..

I believe thaT the Most Impt thINg why couples are together..

is because they love each other..

and they are always haPpy together..

iF we canT even be haPPy...

deN probabLy we shlD both re-consider abt thiS r/s...

it's not thaT i duN waN to make this r/s work...

but the pt is how do we sustaiN such r/s..

wheN we caNt even fiNd the haPpiness?

i feel so tirEd...

tryiNg to guess and make out what's ur mind is thInking..

a few days agO.. u said u'd make me the haPpiest woman on earth..

todaY u tell me i'm the source of ur pain..

can u duN contradict urself anymore...

if i'M the source of ur pain,

how would u make me the happiest woman?

i'm also alittle impatient recently...

probably becos of exams and stress..

i sincerely apologise for not calling you back when i said i will..

but, dun u sometime do that to me too??

esp when u are busy??

when did i ever make u apologise or

make thiNgs difficult for u?

wad i really need during this period...

is simply ur understanding...

and ur support...

i saw some support when u asked me to go study..

buy me breakfast.. and ask me to jia yOu..

i'm realLy touched by all these little thIngs u do...

bUt why when i didnt call u within 20 mins,

den u assumed that i forgot abt calling u??

i reallY need u to be more understanding baby...

i love u so much so much...

by reacting in the manner u did...

i realLy cant feel tt u r understanding.....

it's jus another 10 days...

and my exams will end..

can u jus bear with me during this period...

i reallY love u bbaby..

pls dun do anymore thIngs to hurt me...

I am the hAppiEst wOman on Earth!!

2007-04-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

He says that he wants to make me be the hapPiest wOmAn on Earth...

He also says he wants to be so nice to me that every gal around me will be jealous of me..

He realLy noE how to CheeR me uP..

I realLy dint hope too much..

I only hope that he will not make me sad..

aS loNg as he doesNt make me sad,

I will be the happiest woman on earth..

loVe U babY... *muacKs*

What do ppl envy abt me?

2007-04-18T13:06:00.002+08:00

People Envy Your Confidence

You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind.
People envy your ability to take on any challenge ... and they're secretly afraid you think you're better than them. You don't. You're just sure of yourself.

What Do People Envy About You?

I'm too lOst in U..

2007-04-17T15:59:00.001+08:00

Sugarbabes - Too lost in You

You look into my eyes I go out of my mind
I can't see anything Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head You got under skin
I got no strength at all In the state that I'm in
And my knees are weak And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you

Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

ooh
Well you whispered to me And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me In ways undefined
And you're all I see And you're all I need
Help me baby (help me baby) Help me baby (help me now)

Cos I'm slipping away Like the sand to the tide
Falling into your arms Falling into your eyes
If you get too near I might disappear
I might lose my mind

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you (Too lost in you)

I'm going in crazy in love for you baby (I can't eat and I can't sleep)
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
Yeah, no one can rescue me (No one can rescue me)

Oooh, my baby
Oooh, baby, baby

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you

I'm lost in you I'm lost in you
I'm lost in everything about you
So deep (so deep), I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

I dun give a damn anymore..

2007-04-16T09:11:00.000+08:00

Well done.. You went fishing..

You dun seem like you care abt me at all..

I really hate myself..

Hate myself for loving someone who doesnt even give a damn abt me..

U noe wad..

I'm gonna leave my hands off you...

I'm not going to thInk of you..

Not goin to be bothered abt you,

jus like how you dun bother abt me..

it's really depressing to be in this situation..

2007-04-15T17:16:00.000+08:00

The Sun always revolves around the Earth and the Earth always revolves around the moon.

Do you noe what this sentence means?

It simply means everything is always subject to changes. Nothing will remain as it is forever, including our love.

I looked thru the previous sms-es that you sent me. They are ultra sweet. Even when I'm angry with you and we quarrel, you will give in to me.. Now, you no longer do this.. You have changed. I always noe that women tend to de-value after a while in the r/s. But I didnt expect myself to de-value so fast.. You are really too much!

Why? Why must you always make me feel so sad so sad..??
Why cant you sometimes try to give in to me? Arent gals supposed to be doted on.? You agree with that, dont you? However, U dont do it to me anymore after we went steady..

U always like to say you are disappointed in me. What about me? I'm also feel terribly disappointed in you. Never felt so depressed before ever since we got together.

Arent love supposed to be a happy thing?

You put up her photo in your blog today. What is that supposed to mean? U knew I will be jealous but u still did it. is that your way of spiting me? If yes, great. You have done well..

Everytime whenever we quarrel, I realised I'm always the one that's giving in. I had enough. I think I am too magnaminous and you are too petty. This time round, i will not give in to you at all Because I think I absolutely have no wrong. Just because you are in a bad mood doesnt give you the reason to vent the anger on me..

You are too much and I simply cannot tolerate your behaviour anymore. You knew what's wrong with yourself, yet you refuse to change for the better and instead got worse. I really dun understand what's wrong with you.

Sometimes, I really wonder if you love me.

Many times, I feel that you are too strict with me and you like to pick on small things to quarrel. Arent guys supposed to be more magnaminous than girls?

I am a person who doesnt like comparing. But I cant help but to compare you with my other ex bfs.. I have never ever been treated like this before. NEVER.

I swear that for the past 3 months I have given my best into the r/s. I try to control my temper, change my behaviour and be as patient as I could. I have never been so tired in a r/s before. I adhere to what you want me to do. I oso wonder why i so ting hua..

I can swear that I have fallen deeply in love with you. But maybe I haven been flaring up, so u think I am nice to bully and always make me give in. Even though my love for you increases, your bad attitude irks me as well.

I am already so packed and troubled with my exams and you are still adding on to my problems, dont you think you shld do some reflection?

I'm sorry if my words sound awful and unpleasing to you but I am just being honest with you abt my feelings.

what's happening manx?!

2007-03-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

School suX..

* suX (*=UCC)

liFe Sux

I sux

Everything seems to be yucky..

Now is the period when everybody rushing to finish projects, assignments, tests and what not..

Some muggers may have already started studying..

Me.. still dunnoe what's happening..

Sighx..

This semester.. my life has brighten up becos of him.

similarly, i have also sob quite a bit becos of him..

I know deep down my heart I really love him quite a lot..

But I have also given up alot of things becos of him..

Getting moody these days.. wonder why

whAt the hell is happening..

why am i feeling this way..

maybe it's exams..

maybe it's him..

or maybe it's just me..

me being weird, ridiculous, unreasonable and petty..

did i just describe what a typical woman is like?!

Life Sux..

I hope we Rox..~

Our pictures

2007-02-23T12:13:00.000+08:00

1st & 2nd pic: Marina Square 7-11 choosing beverages
3rd pic: Mount Faber
4th pic: Flowers he gave me on my bdae

2007-01-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

Saying the word "Sorry" is really of no use at all..!

stop saying that to me...

if u wan to end the r/s, by all means, go ahead...

i dunnoe whether i shld regret coming into a r/s with u..

i thot i could spend the last few mths with u before u leave to UK..

i know that this r/s might not last...

but i'm happy jus being with u...

i'm such a easily contented woman and yet i can still get failed r/s for so many times...

u said i'm a very good woman.. u really love me alot...

but wad u are doing now is already hurting me... why cant u jus leave a beautiful dream to me? why must u break the dream now?

if that's the solution to ur problem, den so be it..

i dun wan to force u to stay in the r/s with me...

i felt alittle cheated.. i gave my most precious thing to you... and love u with all my heart and soul.. and this is what i deserveD?

i dun understand.. really dun understand...

perhaps u jus dun love me as much as u love urself...

if u really love me enough, u would change for me...

but... instead u said u tried jus that it doesnt work out...

wad nonsense is tt??

2007-01-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

22nd Jan

Today is an extremely tiring day for me. Firstly, I dint have enough sleep.. And I have to wake up at 10 plus am to go for a SEP briefing. The mapping of modules kinda scare me to go for the trip le due to the following reasons:

1. Might retain another year if dint plan properly
2. Might not go to the uni that i want to
3. Very time-consuming
4. Do not learn as much as i would like to learn in NOC

Many factors to consider if I go SEP. hMm.. maybe shld consider for NOC instead. Seems to have a better prospects than SEP..

Haix.. My mind is so confused now.

After SEP briefing, I went to eat lunch and then did my BSP tut 1 in IRC. Talked to my baby for a while on the fone. I really missed him very badly.. Like jus want him to be in my arms now.. How i wished i'm not studying.. How i wished i could just be by his side when he needs me.. My baby is busy.. talked to him for less than 5mins den got to put down le..

Went for Space Lecture after that. Space Lecture is quite terrible.. For that 2 hrs i spent there, i really cant understand what she's saying... Got to start studying le.. Get all distractions out from my head..

After the lecture, we had a DE Club meeting until around 640.. Den went to RE urban Management lecture.. until abt 820pm finally can go home...

very coincidentally, soon leong, who is my senior in SR Council sat beside me in bus 151. i forgot his name so i smsed remy to ask. den finally before he's abt to get down, i called him la..

nuthing else.. school is so sianx.. so boring...

23rd Jan

Happy 21st Birthday Derrick!! Finally adult le..!!

Ehh.. Bad day? talked to my baby while goin to school. he sounded pissed when i told him i'm meeting my friends tonight le cos I think he really wanted to see tonight for dinner, after he got home. den shortly, he said he want to go do his work le den put down the phone. He's pissed, but i'm oso pisSeD!! i knew his work arent so urgent tt he must go do them then. He is angry so he doesnt wan to talk to me. So, well.. i dint sms him for the whole day after late evening... he doubt my words when i said i miss him.. very disappointing to hear that. probably the most disppointing phrase ever since i known him... loss for words.. just depressed..

Went for BSP lecture at 12pm and it ended at abt 120pm. Ended early so i went to IRC to do some work. 4pm: went to law lecture. 520pm: took bus to macperson. met Derrick and Kelvin at macperson to go marina to exchange the jacket. joined Sherying and Zhi hao who were there since 630pm.. we ate claypot for dinner..

derrick then drove us down to hougang plaza for kbox.. shar and kenny met us later. we bought a cake for derrick and sang until 2am. total, i spent abt 17bucks on kbox.

DEC hOls is hectic!!

2007-01-05T01:11:00.000+08:00

Exams Period (end nov - 4th Dec 06)
aS usual.. i wOrked EXTREmely hard for my exams.. the last paper is 4th dec..

4th Dec
went hOme and sleep for a while.. wanted to meet pear to go out.. but last minute, she has to go for facial with her mum at Bugis. so, sobx.. me stayed home the whole afternoon to sleep and watch vcd.. talked to Don for a while on the fone.. he decided to go dinner with me.. i'm quite happy and met him in the evening..
we went to this Indian restaurant located at Little India.. he came the other night with his other friends.. he thought the food there is not bad and decided to bring me there as a form of celebration ba.. we didnt reaLLy noe what to order.. kinda pressurizing and paiseh.. in the end, Don followed the waiter and he pointed at those dishes. We had yellow rice (if i'm not wrong shld be briyani rice ba). soRry i sua ku.. =P
The food there is indeed not bad and we ate until very full.. cant really finish all the food. finished dinner at abt 8 plus pm..
went to marina square to walk walk and play arcade and poOl.. Hmm.. we played daytona and i lost don by abit. sighx. den we played Bishi bashi.. i lost again.. den watched him played tennis.. loOKs fun but dunno how to play.. he seemed zhai.. den went over to the pool table area.. we played five games i thInk. he won 3 times i won only 2 times.. he kept cheating!! cos keep distracting me during my turn! so angry!! den i cant concentrate and miss the ball.. BleahX!.. so.. by right i shld hav won.. anw, we played until quite late.. around 12 plus am i thInk..
i enjoyed the pool game even though i quite frustrated.. he enjoyed it too.. =) den he sent me home.. =)

5th Jan
he said i'm zi bi and xiao qi.. cos i said i dun wanna play pool game with him le since he play cheat.. den he called me "ZI ZI" which sounds quite funny..
anw, i went to work at 8am at UCC until quite late.. hmm.. earned 75 bucks! =) he had night shift tonight.. so he shld be staying up ba..

6th Jan
supposed to work at UCC in the morning.. but when i reached there, they already have enuff manpower le.. this led me to question abt the manpower management.. how could they allow such thing to happen?! they must noe i come down all the way from hougang to clementi early in the morning jus to work leh!.. furthermore, my name is listed on the event which means i'm one of the official ushers who shld be working.. so i quite pissed and sad.. and i told abel i'm going back home..
i cried at the ucc bus stop.. called don.. toked to him.. got on the bus.. continued toking to him.. he kinda gave me solution on how i shld write an email to question the system.. hanged up the fone.. realised tt i need to get the cap from Jen in sch.. so alighted and crossed the road.. took 151 back to sch.. went to DE club room.. den did some MC work.. called jen who was still sleepin.. i quite pissed off.. told him i'm mad.. he said he will bring it to my hse later in the evening.. Joshua invited me to go KTV at clementi.. told him i'll consider but dint go cos no gals went..
don smsed me to see if i'm home.. told him i'm still in sch.. he got a shock.. den he asked me out.. erm.. maybe i forced him to say the sentence.. haha.. but anwyay, i took 151 and talked to him at the bus stop while waiting for the bus.. talk until my hp low batt.. we planned to meet at hougang mall to eat KFC.. met him at the entrance.. den walked together to KFC.. hmm.. i remembered that i dun wanna talk to hIm for a while but i forgot why i didnt want to talk to him le.. hmm.. den he oso dun wanna tok to me.. he thought i was angry.. actually i was really angry for a while but was faking it after that.. hmm.. den we went to Kbox to sing from 2pm -7pm.. quite fun!!
den he sent me home.. Jen still haven called me.. so angry and smsed him that i dun wan the cap le.. i oso said i dun wan to be his friend oso.. den he smsed back saying he's already at my hse downstairs le.. went down to pick my cap.

7th Jan - 10th Jan: Phuket Trip

11th Jan (hapPy 22nd bdaE dOn!)
cut my fringe in phuket.. den quite a bad cut.. so in the mornin, i quickly went to a salon to repair my hair.. did rebonding and cut my fringe.. spent 129.. haix.. den went to shop for some ingredients to prepare to make cheesecake for him.. planned this since before i went phuket.. but was deciding if i shld carry out the plan.. hmm.. well, bdae mah.. shld at least hav a cake ba.. =) baked my 1st cheesecake without mum's help.. quite horrible cos i overcooked it and it became chata.. sorry don..
it is the thoughts that count ya? so u wun blame me de rite? =) quickly freeze the cake to make it cold while i prepare myself to meet him.. hmm.. we went to orchard road.. he parked his car at borders.. den we walked along orchard road while taking photographs.. =)

we went to somewhere near to the national stadium.. den we sit there and talked crap.. ToOk alot of photos becos i scared i will miss him.. so.. i better take my fotos of him..
came home quite late.. at around 1 or 2am..
asked my sis to upload the photos but she ended up deleting them!! i damn super pissed.. so angry that i woke up my parents.. kinda scolded my sister and kept asking her how could she do this to me!? cos she deleted the fotos that i toOk tonight.. she oso deleted my Phuket fotoS!! i so angry that i broke down and cried.. she also quite angry and guilty so she went out of the house.. i called hIm to ask hOw.. den.. he kinda console me.. asked me not to cry le.. he said he would hav means to revive it... in the end, he really did it.. i was rather amazed but very very very happy!.. so super happy.. =) thankew don.. i just couldnt bear to lose those photos.. i really need them..

SMS time:
D - i enjoyed your company alot alot as well. Hmm.. seems like i will miss u quite a bit too... Hmm.. 12/12/06 02:48
D - How.. How.. What shld i do if i miss u? 03:15
D - Wah. So mean. Dont wanna miss me...
D - But u dun miss me, i'll be even more sad... will u want me to miss u?
D - Thats so complicated. Heh. Its only 1 day past my bdae. I dun wan u to be unhappy can? u look very pretty today, so dun =( ok? 03:35
D - Ya. I am. I had so so so much fun today! Thanks alot! *tight hugs* i dun usually give hugs, but well, u are too sweet to make me resist! Heh. Really hope to see u very soon again... enjoy ur work tmr ok? Take very gd care of yourself too! gd night! sleep tight and... miss you. =) 03:54

12/12/06
1st day Workin at Lancome after so long.. boring.. closed sales at ... don 1st day slacking.. making 1000 seagulls for me at hm.. told him dun make cos i only want to collect 1 by 1 whenever i see him he pass me once.. that will be more meaningful..
his grandma suddenly fever.. he sent her to see the doc.. he came to fetch me that night cos he says he want to see me.. we went supper at geylang to eat dian xin..
after that he sent me home.. we talked a while on the fone.. i told him i dint enjoy the Phuket trip and i almost wanted to come back to singapore alone during the 1st night.. i just dint like the feeling of being left out..

SmS time:
D - Err.. it really did bother me quite a bit. In fact, i think bother me quite alot. i oso not sure how shld i response now.. 13/12/06 02:42
D - I want to sincerely apologize tt u did not enjoy urself in phuket. and my behaviour was somehow offencive. i really dint mean it. my deepest regrets for not telling u what was our individual plan when going to phuket. i am terribly sorry. really. 13/12/06 09:32

13/12/06
Lancome again.. Highest Sales for the counter!!...but kinda boring day again.. he asked me out for a date tmr after my work. i asked him if he could cook porridge for me like how he cooked for his grandma.. cos i'm oso sick.. den he said i fake sick.. den he asked tmr how to go out? and he said his prorridge very plain de. asked me if i'm still interested..i said i want to go out and i want his porridge.. he said i greedy.. asked me why i want to eat so much..

broke up..

2006-11-11T09:32:00.000+08:00

finally, this is the end of our relationship..

i'm glad that i hav made such decision..

he was NV meant to be mine..

despite him saying that he is..

i'm jus too naive to believe in him..

so foolish and stupid of me to do tt..

u noe wad...

i hav to thank him for being the 1st guy to make me cry so much..

but seriously, i enjoyed my 1st 2 weeks of the relationship..

he gave me a fantasy..

but that's jus a fantasy.. it's nv realistic..

he called me at 2am..

woke me up from my sleep..

dint wan to pick up initially...

but i guess i shld jus sort it out once and for all..

this is my first or maybe second relationship that i'm so rational

and nice with my tone..

i guess i'm jus nice to bully and easy to bully...

in the 1st place, i guessed he just crush me..

but as days pass, his little love faded..

and i witnessed it very clearly..

very very clearly..

it's such a huge and major transition that it shocked me oso..

and even before we reach 1 mth anniversary..

i already saw the problem surfacing..

i wanted and i've tried to revive it..

to no avail.. everything tt i hav done is useles..

for his heart is no longer with me...

his passion is his sch work and de club matters..

sometimes it really make me ponder..

maybe he wanted to be with me so that he can better socialise with other pple..

maybe i was jus a stepping stone for him to suceed..

maybe he nv meant to love me...

i'm probably being toyed..

thanx again...

you are the FIRST guy to toy with my feelings..

well done...

nv did i expect u to be such a guy..

i'm so glad that i'm finally awake...

this horrible nightmare...

everyday woke up, i will always question myself if u really cherish me...

was it becos i was too easy to tame?

u always have many excuses to make urself sound reasonable..

however..

i hav seen through u...

finally saw ur true self when u sms such a horribel msg to me..

u noe wad he sent?

he asked me not to be childish, ask me to be more mature..

he asked why cant we continue to be friends?

but the real thing is he doesnt want his evil actions to be exposed..

he doesnt want to leave a bad impression to the pple i'm close with...

he noes they will probably side me and pity with me..

den he will probably be seen as the evil guy which he doesnt want to..

alright.. u are great...

to think u can forecast such matters..

i really very pei fu ni...

u horrible guy...

U are THE WORST GUY I have ever came across..

u will not succeed in being a good leader...

u noe why because u are so hypocrite... so fake..

i will see that u will not become the president for next year's DE Club...

u will NOT!!!

this morning i woke up...

when washing up saw my puffy eyes again..

den i talked to myself...

i told myself i hav to be strong..

i hav to do better than him in ALL areas..

and i will definitely live a better life without him..

it is foolish to sacrifice my results jus to cry becos i lost him...

it's definitely fyne for me...

i will not be so stupid anymore...

however.. God taught us...

Love ur neighbour..

i really want to do that...

but i'm thInking how to..

hmm.. God, i really doubt i can..

he's the WORST BF i hav ever had..

even worst than my first...

u noe this simply tells me that i will hav to depend on myself...

women jus cant rely on guys to survive

for all guys are not trustable (maybe except for some minority cases)

but generally, women will live better to earn a living herself...

i will be one of the successful women in my career..

i definitely will...

and this lesson is well learnt..

thanx for the good memories..

but i guess i hav to throw them into the dustbin

for those arent real.. they are merely fantasy...

I must do WELL in this exam..

I must!!!

wo men fen shou ba...

2006-11-11T01:05:00.000+08:00

cried again.. probably for the last time le ba..

this relationship is my first time that i hav kept crying and crying..

so much sorrows...

so much unhappiness..

make me wonder wad made me start this...

i'm too soft hearted..

i shldnt hav agree..

den such a tragedy wouldnt hav happened..

if he doesnt noe me well.. he shldnt hav started..

if i dunnoe him well.. i shldnt hav agreed too..

first, let me tell u wad triggered my decision...

Joel was trying to advice me on how to tell him..

cos Joel noes he's a very egoistic person

and he said that guys like him doesnt like to admit tt he is wrong even if he's really wrong..

he oso told me that before.. but i cant accept it...

i'm those gals who is very clear with right and wrong..

and i will want guys who are wrong to admit their mistakes...

second, joel told me that Jen once told him that he used to pay alot of attention to his ex gf...

i'm jealous.. very very jealous..

u hav given me so little of ur time when u in fact gave so much to ur ex..

is this fair?

if u like her, woo her back..

dun use me as a replacement or substitute..

i tell u.. i am not..

i can tolerate almost everything that u do

but i jus cant tolerate this point..

i'm so disappointed with u...

i cant desrcibe how i'm feeling now...

it is a mixed of everything...

jealousy, sadness, tears, anger, frustration, as well as bizarre..

puzzled with the fact that why u can dun sms me for so many days...

if u like a person, wouldnt u wan to sms him/her at least once a time?

how could u do this to me?!

do u thInk that i'm yours forever?!

let me tell u.. i dun need u..

i think i will live a much better life without u...

dere will at least be no more tears, and guiltyness..

and i will live happier like before..

going out with anyone that i like..

dun need to care abt ur feelings..

dun need to care abt whether u are hungry..

dun need to care if u are tired... or sleepy..

dun need to care abt anything..

i jus need to care abt myself and that's all..

no more heart shattering.. no more heartpain..

no more when without u!!!

perfect life isnt it..

u are so unfair..

walked into my life..

promised to give me so much..

but yet.. u delivered so little..

guys simply cant be trusted..

u wasted my love..

i will remove u from my heart..

that may hurt but i think that's the best way..

i dun wan to stuck in Jenism..

and lose myself..

i dun wan to question myself everyday on

whether u cherish me..

and whether u really love me..

i jus wan my happiness back..

if u cant give it to me..

den let me go...

tired..

2006-11-09T20:11:00.000+08:00

blow wind blow..

blow waD?

blow lala and Jia wei..

sometimes, i just hav this urge to tell him

let's break up ba..

i can guess tt he will probably hav no reaction ba..

but for me, i will need another few months to recover..

i can tolerate if you dun spend time with me

but i cant tolerate not feeling cherished by by other half..

i feel tt i am so gonna breakdown...

everyday thInk about u..

but i noe u arent..

u dun care a damn abt me...

i really can stand it!! i canT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hav a very strong feeling tt i will initiate the break up very soon..

i kept giving u chances..

but u blew them..

i have NV NV EVER in my life given so many chances to any guy before!!!

NEVER!!!

if i get pissed with a guy,

i will tell him straight..

and even if he noes his mistake,

it will still affect the image that he has given me..

i want to tell u...

i had enuff..

i cant hav a relationship when i am not feeling happy at all..

worst, not feeling loved..

u failed TERRIBLY as a BF..

i wonder how ur ex gf managed to be with u for so many years..

i really wonders............................................................

ARGgGggg...

i hate u, but i jus cant..

i love u, but i hate ur ugly side...

i hate it when u smoke...

i hate it when u get so MCP..

i hate it when u dun reply my sms..

i hate u i hate u i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i really gonna breakdown le la...

Angry!!

2006-11-08T20:06:00.000+08:00

siGhx..

bad day!! cos dint accomplish much!! soBx.. felt like i was as though wastin time.. shiT!

haix.. had a whole free day to myself.. spent the day home..

was studying but somehow it wasnt as efficient as i thought i should..

first, I didnt wake up early.. shld woke up by 6or 7am. but only woke up at 9 or 10am? haix..

second, 1 chapter took me 2 hrs?

third, watched 1 hr tv after studying 2 hrs (meaning tt's when i only accomplish a chpt)

fourth, haix.. haix.. haix..

maybe i shld have gone to coffee bean.. den i will perhaps be more efficient..

now, i am doing on my ES 2007D past year letter and report.. hope i can finish den after that do my RE2380 tutorial for tmr..

hope tmr will be better.. =)

God please help this angel..

exams coming..

2006-11-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

Exams comIng!!

I only hav less than 3 weeks to study..

I still remember that starting of the sem, i told myself i'm goin to pull my CAPs to 4.0, meaning i will need at least 4.2 for this sem..

But now.. i wonder..

Damn sucky now.. must start to pia again.. i hate that feelin la..

everyday jus mug and mug..

study so much oso dunno if i really remember..

sianx...

went out with don tonight..

he felt very lousy cos of his work.. the presentation to be precise...

hmm.. but seriously cannot blame him.. cos he was sick mahx..

how can u categorise/ label someone as bad performance just becos of his illness?!

but thInk quite suay for hIm to get sick/ cough at that point of time..

if i were hIm, i would definitely feel as lousy or if not worst than hIm de..

well, since wad has happened cant be undone, den hav to live with it.. no choice..

learn to accept this fact even though it may be very difficult..

sighx..

on the other hand, pear also have problems..

thInk i'm very fortunate as compared to them le..

i must learn to live happily everyday..

and all of you must try to be more positive towards life..

despite all the problems and troubles that u are facing..

jus thInk..

life is already miserable enuff..

u still wan to add on the misery by being pessimistic??

being pessimistic doesnt solve the problems at all!

it simply adds on to your burden and pain..

learn to let go...

and you will realise that this world is still beautiful...

=)

lA la & Jen

2006-11-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

mE and Jen hope to be together forever and ever..

i realised tt i seem to hav sank into Jenism..

he's what i need

his behaviour and actions influence and control my emotions..

i love him.. and wanna be with him..

we went out together.. he bought his car.. hmm.. it's white, one of my fav colours.. =)

we went vivo city to shop around..

ate dinner at katong..

we ate yong tau foo, laksa and rojak..

fun cos i can see hIm.. and most importantly feel him..

i'm no longer myself but jen's gf..

jen and lala

2006-10-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

somehow I feel that there is this gap between us..

And very importantly, i get jealous whenever I see him chatting and luffing away with other girls.. I jus feel so uncomfortable and just not happy..

lala is jealous..

2006-10-17T01:35:00.000+08:00

I'm so JealouS!!!!!

I saw His Wallpaper is the photo of him and his ex-gf at his commissioning ball..!!!

So Angry and Jealous...

I really duunno how to react..

Even though i seem to be alright on the surface...

inside me is horrid..

I'm thInking why must he put that as his wallpaper in his laptop??

hello.. i'm your current gf.. and is this how i shld be treated???

i really afraid of flaring up..

dunno why but seem to hav tone my temper down a lot..

if this happened last time, i might have jus scold pple and got pissed off le..

but this time, i hold my temper...

i want to see what kind of explanations he wan to give me..

he didnt say anythin abt tt background despite me knowing tt i saw it..

how can i be so calm??? i oso dun understand myself..

work is piling..

exams is coming..

lala is waiting...

for holidays are comin...

i dun wan to care le...

if really cannot cure, den break lor..

but i dun hope to be the one breakin la...

Worried

2006-10-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

i'm really worried for our future..

in fact i dun see a future..

i really feel very neglected.

you always seem to place so many things before me..

and i really cant stand it..

if u really love a person,

wouldnt you wan or long to see her?

wouldnt you?

why is it that i seem to be of the lowest importance in your heart.?

why cant i feel that i'm being cherished/ treasured?

maybe it's me being too sensitive..

maybe i'm being too pessimistic..

but i really cant feel your love..

i'm jus being too nice,

suppressing my inner self...

i pretended to feel loved in front of u and other pple,

but inside me.. i cant cheat myself..

tears start to roll down like before..

this blog has been flooded with all my tears...

i wonder when's the day that i will hav no more tears...

i really love u..

i love u so much that i can sacrifice myself..

or rather...

i love u more than i love myself..

why is that so? why?

i hate myself for accepting you so fast..

i hate myself for being such a weakling..

i hate myself for not knowing u more..

i hate myself for loving u..

i used to think u are a sensitive guy..

but i'm wrong..

i'm waiting for the day to see a future in us..

but i doubt i will see it..

somebody pls prove me wrong..

now that they are cycling,

i wonder if he's thinking of me...

i believe that he wun..

i feel like hating him..

but it's difficult..

i thought of breaking up..

but i cant bear to leave him..

maybe we jus leave it as it is..

he will come to me when he needs me..

but he will nv come to me when i need him..

my heart feels painful..

as if it is being torn apart..

excruciating pain...

nv have such feelings before..

i pray that he will one day put me into one of his priorities..

i pray that he will come when i need him..

i pray that we can watch a movie together..

i pray that i can be less sensitive and less pessimistic..

i pray that i can love him less..

i pray that he can treasure me more..

i pray that we can always be together...

i pray that i can see a future in us..

i'm really really worried..

worried that i will someday lose him...

somebody save me.....

2006-10-08T11:50:00.000+08:00

morning wake up, found my eyes swollen..

den checked my mails..

diana again sent me email and shoot me.. but not as bad as previous email tt she has sent..

well.. i really dun care le..

i will jus complete my part den do some editing according to what I think..

den whether they want to use or not..

up to them..

this 10% jus let them do whatever they like..

i hav no control over it..

suX.. this semester simply horrible and problematic..

i dun care how pple look at me as long as i feel tt i'm right..

to me, they are jus lousy and i shant argue with her anymore..

waste time; waste effort; waste energy..

rather use my time, effort and energy on somewhere else..

wadever u wan say, say lor..

it doesnt matter to me, cos i dun treat u as anythin... simply ignore..

lala is evil in her words.. but i dun care..

horrible feelings.. horrible me..

2006-10-08T02:14:00.000+08:00

I hate You!!.. i really hate u...

u made me sound like a really lousy gf..

u failed and disappointed me 7 days ago.. u felt u were a lousy bf..

now u are passing me tt kind of feeling that u felt..

wadever..

by nature, i'm jus lian.. dao.. not sociable.. unfriendly.. and cant be bothered by others..

i like who i am..

we have too many unsimilarities.. so many tt most of our views jus clash..

u said u love me but i cant feel it..

maybe i'm really wrong to leave u there alone..

maybe i shld hav accompanied u...

maybe...

but i was too jealous tt night..

i jus hav no mood to do tt..

no mood to cheer u up.

i dun need u to take care of me..

jus leave me alone since u are always not free..

jus let me flirt with other guys..

let me drown in them..

the purpose is jus to let u treasure me more..

stop taking me for granted..

stop thinking tt i will naturally be there for u..

sorry.. i wun esp when i'm jealous and pissed..

somehow i became very easily jealous after knowin u..

i dunno why oso..

i jus hav the urge to change ur bad habits.. and u..

maybe i'm wrong.. i hav used the wrong way..

but well, i'm not goin to care anymore..

since i'm not ur parents..

i cant change u...

u pampered kid.. difficult to please and humour..

i will stop all my efforts..

stop havin so much hopes in u..

stop all my dreams that i probably have..

i wished i nv know u..

i wished u were nv in my heart..

i wished u nv come into my life..

den i will be freed from all these problems and sadness..

i told u.. i'm not ready..

i warned u before i'm demandin..

after u gained me, everything stops there..

everything changes..

u are no longer the Jen whom i knew be4 we got attached..

ur attitude changes 360 degrees..

u expect me to change.. change my perception of relationships.. change my perception of love..

such an awful feeling tt i hav nv felt before..

i dunnoe how to describe..

i jus feel miserable extremely miserable..

why did u make me like this??

i really dunno if i can continue...

him again..

2006-10-08T00:59:00.000+08:00

why must it be him influencing my feelings?
- both positively and negatively

why did he vent his anger on me?

why doesnt he keep his promises?

why did he like me?

why did he choose me, making life so miserable becos of him?
-think he picked the wrong person.
-he's not my type and i'm not his type

why cant he be alittle more xi xin?

why must he always think so highly of himself, and make others look so small?

why shld i compromise?
-when compromised too many times, everything jus numbs

why did i do so many things for him?

why is he always in my priority list?

why am i not in his priority?

i'm getting tired..
tired of listening to his grumbles and excuses..

he's tired too..
tired of listening me complaining abt him..

if both are tired, den maybe it's time..
maybe we shant continue further..

perhaps..
perhaps..
i will live happier without him..

tears jus keep rolling down uncontrollably..

2006-09-30T18:22:00.000+08:00

wHy?? why didnt u reply my sms.? i know you r busy.. but replying a yes or a no isnt that tough ritex?? i am jus so disappointed with u.. cant u understand that sometimes love jus cant forgive certain things tt u do, especially when done repeatedly.. I have never cry so many times in the 1st mth of a relationship.. NEVER EVEr.. This is the 1st time to cry 3 times in a mth..

why did u walk into my life when u cant even promise to take good care of me?? why did u make me walk into ur life den to realise that it isnt tt perfect afterall.. why did u let me fall for u and make me so painful like dat..?? why are u so cruel to me? so unfair to me? cant u understand tt i jus wan to spend and celebrate this special day with u?

by not replying me, u are making me unable to conentrate on doing my work. All my mind is about u.. about whether u will be able to make it for the dinner.. abt whether i will be going out later or i will be studying later.. how come replying my sms is so difficult?

tears keep rolling and rolling from my eyes to my cheeks.. i jus feel so awfully painful.. i guess if i nv put in so much effort and so much thoughts into today's plans, i shld feel less painful..

yes.. u are very selfish.. u only think for urself.. u nv think from my pt of view and my perspective.. whenever u wan to go out, it's natural for me to hav time for u.. but whenever i wan to go out or watch a movie, it always seem so much like an indulgence for me to hav u beside me..

i have nv watch a movie with u.. this is the most ridiculous part of the relationship.. i have nv have a relationship that doesnt watch movie during the 1st mth..

whenever u call me, it is always abt DE Club.. if u wan to be the president, i will support u.. but stop making our conversations to revolve around this topic.. i hate it.. we always have conflicting ideas on these issues.. but i dun wan to quarrel with u abt such stuff..

why are u so busy when u are not even the head of that project? why the hell are u so pia.. sacrificing me.. so cruel of u.. jus for selling tix at ur friend's party u rejected my invitation to ask u out for a celebration.. it makes me ponder why the hell do i go to the trouble of buying u present.. do i hav alot of time?? no!! i dun!! i hav alot of projects oso.. but i still make time for u.. as for u.. u always think of me only when u have nuthing else to do...

am i important to u? i really doubt so.. this shld actually be a happy 1 mth celebration but becos of u.. u ruin my plans.. ruin all my beauiful thoughts.. i really hav no idea how i am goin to forgive u.. even if i do forgive u, i am really unsure if u will become like dat next time.. i have lost my confidence in u..

u lost my trust den now u lose my confidence... what else are u going to let me lose in the future?

how did i get myself into such state?? i shldnt hav agree to be ur gf in the 1st place..

waste time; waste energy; waste effort

having a very bad headache now.. u are the cause of it.. u ruin this relationship..

happy 1 mth? not really..

2006-09-30T11:52:00.000+08:00

has been lookin forward to this day for quite sometime.. but den everything jus blows becos he has too many things to do and the best thing is he said he probably wun enjoy it..

I'm thinkin.. great! u spoilt all my mood.. dat's it. i hav told u 1 week in advance to tell u to leave this time for me.. yet.. u did this to me.. i am so utterly hurt and disappointed..

u said u love me.. but how much do u really love me? even if u said alot, i'll probably doubt it.. why did u always put me as the last choice/alternative? why do u always leave the unwanted time to me?? am i even in ur priority? tell me no.. and i will do less things for u..

how could u be like dat?? before we got together u promised all the stars in the sky.. now that i am already yours, ur attitude changes totally.. do u noe u treat me quite terrible.. i really cannot understand.. shld i not made myself yours.. shld i not have agreed so fast? shld i jus noe u alittle better? shld i jus leave u alone.. and accompany u only when u wan me to? shld i??

despite my busy schedule, i went to bugis specially to buy u present for this 1 mth anniversary.. yet.. this is what i get?! i cant see u and cant pass u the gifts today.. den wad for i went thru so much trouble and time to painstakingly buy these? why??

sorry.. maybe its mood swing.. i hope iwill forget this soon.. i hope u can jus treasure me alittle more.. put me into ur priority list.. otherwise, i cant imagine wad r the possible things tt i can do..

his name is Jen..

2006-09-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

30th Aug.. We are attached officially.

31st Aug.. We went out for normal supper

1st Sep.. We were at Singapore River and I kissed hIm..

2nd Sep.. I went for Vela outing to celebrate Wei Chen and Aron's bdae.. He came to pick me from Marina Square.. I accompanied him and his friends for supper and then later a small drinking session of Jolly Shandy.. He drove me back at abt 3am.. I slept at 430am..

3rd Sep.. Went to school for ES presentation.. Met hIm to study together in SDE at 2pm.. Went to his hall to study at 6pm.. Took a cab back at 10pm..

He's terribly sweet.. I'm so in love with hIm..

Oh no! i Feel so goNe case now..

I'm no longer lala.. but Ms Jen..

Jenism

2006-08-30T23:57:00.000+08:00

two guys to choose - C is mature, hardworking and capable with small cute eyes.. J is less mature but very entertaining with big round eyes.. which to choosE?

i was in a dilemna for 1 whole week when J proposed for a relationship. i didnt agree at tt time cos i felt it was jus too fast.. Even though i knew his existence for more than 1 month, the quality time tt i hav spent with him is less than 5 days.. I really have no idea wad kind of person is he.. So i told him, we were too fast and i dint wan to rush into a relationship.. he replied me saying how long will it be sufficient to noe a person well? is it until when we are uncles and aunties? hmm.. wad he said was true but i still feel tt it's too fast.. another thIng is i hav C also..

C dint tell me he likes me.. neither did he mention anything.. he gives me a very stable and reliable kind of impression.. at that pt of time, i felt lost.. i was rather guilty cos i liked both.. they hav extremely diff characters, i dint noe which to choose.. i wanted to observe them a little longer before i tie myself down to a relationship again..

Guess who i've chose?

I chose J.. thiNk i've been duped by his sweet talk.. gals simply cant resist it.. i fell into his trap.. fallen for him.. i hope i dint make the wrong choice.. pple give me ur blessings.. i hope i can be with him as long as i live.. i hope i can love him with all my heart and soul forever and ever and ever.. iN short, i hope we will be together forever...

lalasimplylovejenism..

FRESHMEN ORIENTATION CAMP 2006!!!!

2006-07-13T01:52:00.000+08:00

3rd July

This is THE day that all of us are waiting for.. It is the... SDE FRESHMEN ORIENTATION CAMP 2006!!!! we met at sde at abt 9am den proceeded to take our positions at the foyer to welcome the freshies..

tHis is Life...

2006-07-13T01:11:00.000+08:00

26th - 30th Jun

Everyday is doing admin job at Five Stars.. really starting to get very bored of it le.. hmm.. everyday 10am -6 pm.. lunch is always the same few places..

29th June

Damus asked me out to watch a new movie called Recycle aka kui yu that has not been released yet.. The story is that he won the free preview tickets from the radio station FM 93.3.. Since the show is at Shaw Prince which is very near my workplace, so i went la..

hmm.. met him at shaw prince at 8pm to collect the tix first before we strolled to Bugis for our dinner.. ehh.. we each ordered a plate of Fish & Chips plus an additional of a platter from Fish & Co.. he oso ordered a ice blended fruit juice drink that is really huge.. had a very very full dinner tt night.. he refused to let me pay half of the bill.. so, dude.. thanx for the treat.. will probably treat him back another time..

after dinner, we went back to shaw prince to watch the show.. Li Xin Jie who is the leading actress came to the theatre, along with one of the directors.

the show started at abt 915 and ended at abt 1115pm.. took bus 100 with damus.. he alighted a few stops while i continued with the bus ride till it reaches Serangoon..

went to Serangoon Mrt station to buy the bus concession as it is expiring the next morning and i have to take quite a number of buses the next day so no choice but to buy at that time.. the person who i bought the concession from was quite gross.. keep pestering me even after i was
done.. and asked me to collect my bdae present from him on the new year eve as he saw my bdae on my ezlink card.. well.. so sorry.. i'm not interested at all..

ok.. i walked to the bus stop and took a bus home.. had a shower and went sleep after that..

30th JUne..

morning is as usual.. admin job.. i reached the office at abt 930am.. and went back at 5pm as i need to rush to UCC to work for Tzu Chi.. Was ATL for that night and everything went on smoothly la.. an easy event..

1st July

had yoga in the morning until 12pm at hougang Cc.. den rushed to UCC after that .. reached at 1pm.. hmm.. smooth going event as it was the same as last night.. people were friendly and polite.. had a lot of fun..

continued to work for the evening one.. off work at abt ten pm.. went home and sleep..

2nd July

Slacking at home.. went to compass point to buy some bandanas for my freshies in my grp.. den quickly went back home as i had tuition at 230pm.. had tuition in the afternoon until 430pm.. den packed my camp stuff.. thought i was late for the FOC so i hurried and took a cab down to SDE.. to my disappointment, the people arent ready for the briefing yet.. was asking myself why did i take a cab down.. i shld hav jus taken a bus la since they werent even ready yet.. i reached at abt 630pm..

ok.. started the briefing at abt 730pm.. hmm.. i was kinda shocked to see that kenny was there cos i thought he told me he would be late for that night.. well.. had briefing until like 9 plus pm.. was kinda hungry as i dint had proper dinner since i was rushing out from home.. den guo sheng and mei si accompanied me to subway to buy some food for dinner... packed the sandwhich and went to Guo sheng's room to eat.. discussed some rag stuff with them as well as to fill my stomach there.. think probably too hungry for a prolonged time.. my stomach was still quite painful even after i finished eating the sandwhich..

had some rest while looking thru GS's fotos in his comp.. den YC came and joined us after her work ended at abt 11pm.. we walked back to SDE to get our stuff before meisi and i staying over at YC's room..

i'm a stupid gal

2006-06-28T10:38:00.001+08:00

16th June

I'm in the office now.. too bored until i start imagining things.. wrote these silly stuffs..

I’m regretting now for giving him up.. I’m so dumb, unbelievably stupid.. How could I have let him go? How could i? why did I do that? ARGggg….. haix…..

He has everything tt I wanted yet I let him slip thru my fingers.. so easily giving him up.. I really love him before.. its jus that the feeling wasn’t sustained and before I knew it, I have lost it.. how come?! I could hav put in more effort to maintain the relationship de.. but why didn’t I do so? wHy? Cos loss of freedom? That’s a really lame excuse…

guess I dunno wad’s love ba..

I shld really stop looking back into my past.. stop regrettin the pple and the things that I hav given up.. maybe I shld look forward, know from this very minute that I am pursuing a future tt I wan.. I shld live without regrets, even if there are any, I shld jus forget them to reduce my misery and pain.. I want to live for the future and not live in the past… Lord, can u help me forget those unhappiness.. I want to live happily for myself..

24th - 25th June

2006-06-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

24th june

today is Admission Day 2! early this month, they had the 1st admission whereby the response isnt good.. but the turnout for today is quite fantastic la.. and many pple queued up to sign for the FOC camp.. so happy!! kok sheng assigned me to be the official photographer but den it seems like many pple wan to shun away from me.. very shy freshies i hav ar.. ehh.. not bad la.. saw quite alot of chiobus.. but very few yandaos.. think SDE has very few eye candies.. it started at 9am and ended at abt 1230pm.. den quickly hurried to my next destination -UCC

Doing ushering from 1-5pm for this event called the Young Writers' Forum 2006.. its a rather unique event tt i hav came across ever since i started workin last year.. it was my first time working in the green room.. and my first time to experience such a small crowd.. the audience seemed very enthusiatic over the writings of the 5 panelists.. it almost ended late but luckily on time.. cos if not i will be late for my next event which i was supposed to report at 5pm

ok.. moved the super heavy metal pole down using the fire staircase to the FOH room by myself.. so proud of myself.. heehe.. den quickly went over to the pantry to join the rest for briefing.. but den the briefing has already ended le before i even reached..

this is an Indian event la.. cant remember nor able to pronounce the name of the event.. my given position is at the comm's door.. quite sad to be there.. cos it's very very tedious to just stand there without moving.. u noe how tired can ur legs be to stand on the sloping ground without moving?! i even have to try to keep my posture straight and not leaning on the walls.. sighx.. its really a very bad position.. den i was also being blocked by the very big and fat walls near the stage, so cant really see some of the dance movements.. Furthermore, as this is an indian dance performance, I am blasted with the super loud indian music for over 3 hrs..

i must say the indian gal is really fortunate to have such a big crowd with mostly influential pple to specially come to see her perform.. it is such a great honour.. really very envious of her.. she mentioned tt her parents are very encouraging towards her passion for dance and i felt rather sad.. cos i feel that my parents arent like hers.. but well.. she is just lucky to have 2 doctorates as parents lor..

ok.. the event ended quite late, later than expected.. den got taxi claim.. hehe.. but wad happened after the performance ended was chaotic la.. i hav yet to see sth more absurd than this.. firstly, cake was brought into the hall from backstage to celebrate the indian gal's bdae.. i think they really wanted to cut the cake and eat it inside the hall.. okay.. secondly, the performers and backstage crew could actually go up and down of the stage easily after the performance ended... i understand tt it is a family party thinggie but then safety is very impt ba.. so long as they are safe and sound, they want to go up and down we oso hav no choice..

the team A's de-briefing is quite scary la.. firstly chuhua asked for confessions.. den got abit stunned.. like how come will hav confessions one?! next, chu hua with a very serious look, continued to throw us with many questions.. like wad's the max no.of seats tt the hall and theatre can hold? and etc etc.. den she oso told off many of the teamA's juniors abt the actions tt they aint supposed to do.. blah blah blah.. and whole thing lasted for abt 20 - 30 mins ba.. quite cham..

after the de-brief, i seriously feel extremely lucky to be in team C and not team A.. team C is still the most fun and friendly team.. after debrief we celebrated chih chun's bdae.. den took cab back with shannon, peixi, and chu hua.. hmm.. reached home abt 1220am.. den ate some leftover food for supper and washed up..

despite the tiredness, i still continued watching the magicians of love eps 17-19 until around 4am.. connection is rather weak so took quite long to finish watching.. went sleep at abt 4 plus am..

26th june

woke up at 10am becos of derrick's call.. bleahs... den my eyes were surprisingly not tired and i dun feel sleepy too even though i only sleep for 5 hrs..

supposed to go pulau ubin but becos of the rain we changed plan.. we went to settler's cafe instead.. met at 2pm at clarke quay.. pple who went include lai bun, de ming, chong beng, jie sheng, derrick, wen long, hui ying, kaijie and vincent.. 10 of us in total..

den we walked to chinatown to drink some tea at the yam cha restaurent.. ate some dian xin there.. den deming footed the bill and contributed 50 bucks while we spilt the cost for the rest of the amount.. hmm.. paid only abt 3 bucks each...

hy has to go first so we sent her to the bus stop.. den the rest of us walked to clarke quay.. we went to this safra and slacked there a while before we went settlers' cafe.. had our dinner there and played from 530-9pm..

derrick sent me home and i reached at abt 10pm..

it is an enjoyable and memorable outing!!!

yeahh.. another successful outing.. so proud of myself.. ehehe

Holidays are meant to go out and work?

2006-06-23T02:50:00.000+08:00

13th - 16th june

working at five stars seem to become something very routine.. everyday go work at 10am.. den wait for lunch at around 1pm.. after lunch, will always feel very sleepy.. tendacy is will fall asleep while typin... den at around 4pm, go toilet wash up and prepare to go home at 6pm.. it is so super routine until it is too boring le.. my life seems to be rotting away with all these wasted time.. haix.. i feel quite sad for myself.. why cant i find a job that i can learn and earn simulataneously?

but there is one good pt abt this job la.. cos lancome always need to stand and i often work weekends.. so this job will complement that job as after i stand for two days, i will get to sit for 5 weekdays.. yeah.. in that way, my legs can hav some rest...

17th june

today works at lancome taka.. there is a glass house outside taka at the civic plaza.. target is high but i pia really hard for the sales.. at last, i managed to hit the target and earn a commission of 50 bucks for that day.. so in total i earn abt 90 bucks for that day.. quite happy.. how i wish everyday sales can be that good.. but think this will only happen during saturdays only ba..

18th june

working at taka lancome again.. very tired from all the standing and running to cashiers. so today abit more slack.. not so hardworking like yesterday.. anyway, there aint many customers oso la.. dint hit target cos it is too high le.. went back home with a commission of 28 bucks.. only half of wad i hav got for yesterday.. sighx.. can go eat grass le..

Everyday i am...

2006-06-23T01:47:00.000+08:00

haVen been blogging for quite sometime.. think i'm too busy with my work and feelings..

i must admit that i was nv good with relationships.. in fact, all my relationships failed becos of my impulsiveness..

i really shld do some reflections on my actions and learn from the mistakes i have made in every relationships..

oTherwise, i will probably either end up with the wrong guy or nv be able to get married... rememeber? i wanted to be married by 24...

okay.. well.. my hols have been quite okay la.. except for the fact that i'm too busy working until i dun really hav time to play and enjoy myself.. guess my only entertainment is to watch taiwan dramas or simply just going dinner with friends.. that's probably abt it...

hmm.. let me see wad i can recall...

12th june

straight after work at Five Stars, i went to serangoon interchange to meet yZ to go chomp chomp together...

min and her bf (Jady) joined us later...

we were sitting outside the hawker centre, where the big umbrellas were.. den at our table there's this sign that read "smoking is allowed".. right beside us was this group of pple who smoke.. i really really cant stand one of the gals la.. so super arrogant jus becos that sign supports smoking.. so shitty.. simply can tolerate her behaviour.. its all these irresponsible smokers that made us non-smokers the victim of passive smoking.. bleahx.... how can we ever get the smokers out from our lives when all these signs simply encourage them to smoke.. the authorities shld think abt it..

okay well.. affter dinner, jaDy sent us to min's place, where me and yz stayed over for the night..

reached her home at around 9 plus pm.. borrowed her clothes and bathed.. as usual, her house is full of snacks and ice-cream.. den she got me a glass of ribena and got yz some chocolate ice-cream..

after that, we went into her room to watch the magicians of love.. it is the latest taiwan drama serials aka ou xiang ju that is very popular.. hehex.. think i'm too tired so i fell asleep while watching...

den min's mum came home with some pepper crabs and fried rice as supper.. cool.. very long nv eat pepper crab le.. very nicely cooked and simply delicious.. fattening though.. tried some fried rice too.. yummy...

after supper, continued to watch the magicians of love but den fell asleep after a while.. me so pIg ritex.. hahax..

woke up next morning at abt 8am.. den yz and min complained that i keep kicking them and i almost occupied the whole bed.. ops.. i'm really sorry gals.. but i think i really cannot remember wad i did lehx.. think next time u gals can jus let me sleep one corner, i promise i will not kick le.. =)

had some oats for breakfast den hurried to go for work...

work is boring and i almost fell asleep after my lunch.. really tired...

11th june

had work at taka lancome.. working mid shift from 12-8pm.. but den bugis lacked manpower so i hav to go bugis after my work at 8pm.. i'm fine with it la.. cos there's OT paid.. heex..

sales not good but still acceptable.. very miserable commission but at least better than nothing..1171 at taka and 349 at bugis..

5-6th june

PrE Camp Day 1

changed into our dirty clothes and played some games in NUS.. hmm.. there are a few stations that i thought was quite fun.. for instance, the one that we played at the central library was not bad.. but overall i feel that the games are a little too clean le.. meaning there's only sweat and nothing else on us.. think they shld prepare some flour and water on the actual foc camp..

Day 2

stayed over at the de club room for the night before we went to sentosa for amazing race.. sadly, when we reached there, it started raining..
so everythin didnt turned out well.. we hav no choice but to play the games indoor..around 430pm, we were den dismissed from there..

3rd June

Pre-admission day

the turnout rate is unexpectedly low.. i was rather shocked to see that only around 15 pple turned up for the admission day.. seriously i think there were more seniors than freshies.. luckily they told us that many had not recieved their acceptance letter yet so didnt know abt this admission day.. there is a total of 15 freshies who has paid either a deposit or the full sum for the orienatation camp.. i know tt it is really quite little la.. but knowing that there aint many pple who came in the first place, 15 is already quite good le..

kok sheng and meisi told me a very stunning news.. something tt i have yet to agree with.. sighx... rag is another BIG headache..

after the admission day, took bus to golden mile cplx to five stars to work.. cos i haven finished some stuff that they need to use on the coming thurs.. den mon and tues me on leave to foc camp.. so no choice but to come back on sat to finish it.. reached at abt 2 pm and work until 6pm..
home sweet home...

it's time to move on.. thank you for everythin..

2006-06-23T01:36:00.000+08:00

i have picked myself up and i think it is time that i let go..

In the first place, i have no rights to be angry with u..

So, i shldnt have been so impulsive to scold u..

now that u've already made ur decision, it's time that i make mine..

i shall move on and be the gal who i used to be...

thank you for all the good memories..

i dunnoe why things turn out like dat

2006-06-05T21:49:00.000+08:00

You are the only guy who has made me cry and u shall be the last..

why does things turn out like dat?

2006-06-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

I like u so much..so much so that i threw away my dignity and arrogance.. yet u simply jus reject the love i hav for u.. i only wan to be with u, its just that simple.. i know i am in no position do anything now.. and since u already controlled yourself to be with me.. den now i'm nothing in ur eyes.. i'm just a nobody.. this excruciating feelin no one will ever understand.. NObody will...

am i able to let u go? am i? i noe it is a sin to yearn to be with u again, but i really like u alot, i really do.. i was nv so sure of my feelin before..

i dun wan to let u go initially.. but now u hav really hurt me deeply.. i am in pain, great pain..

Somebody help me.. i really hav to let him go le..

Bottom-line

2006-05-30T11:32:00.000+08:00

>Don't be too good I will miss you.
>
>Don't be too caring, I might like you.
>
>
>Don't be too Sweet, I might fall for you.
>
>
>It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me after all...
>
>
>Bottom-line : A person who makes me love him is actually a person who loves me more than I love him.
>
>
>________________x________________________x_____________
>
>
>If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for
>
>
>some reasons he couldn't stay, don't cry too much... Just be glad
>
>
>that your paths crossed and; somehow he made you happy even for a while.
>
>
>Bottom-line : Time will tell. If he's yours he will surely come back.
>
>
>________________x________________________x__________
>
>
>Don't throw your back to love when it's already in front of you.
>
>
>Don't drive it away from you because if you do, someday you'll think
>
>
>again why you let love fly away when it was once residing next to you.
>
>
>Bottom-line : Treasure the one who loves you! It's not easy to find
>
>
>a person who loves you. It's always more valuable to have a sincere
>
>
>heart.
>
>
>________________x________________________x_____________
>
>
>The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take.
>
>
>If you think something will make you. happy, GO FOR IT. Remember that we pass this way only once.
>
>
>Bottom-line : Time doesn't wait. If you think you might have found the right one, treasure the person, don't let that person get away.
>
>
>Don't let fear hold You back. Give it a try else you might regret later... "No one other than ourselves know what can truly make us happy."
>
>
>________________x________________________x_____________
>
>
>Two tear drops were floating down the river.
>
>
>One teardrop said to the other, "I'm the teardrop of a girl who
>
>
>loved a man and lost him. Who are you?" ..."I'm the teardrop of the
>
>
>man who regrets letting a girl go..."
>
>
>Bottom-line : Nobody will sympathize with a person who constantly
>
>
>lets chances pass by without making any efforts to salvage them. We
>
>
>normally don't realize how important our loved and close ones are
>
>
>until they leave us, and then we start regretting, which results in
>
>
>misery. Lost time is NEVER gained again

2006-05-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

2nd mAy 06

Had tuition with isabella in the afternoon at 130pm..den start Travelling from home to uCc to work at 4pm.. sometimes i really hate the part on travelling when i'm goin ucc to work.. its like the travelling time is 2hours for to and fro.. can really test one's patience...

3rd may

tUition with isabella again since her exams is this week... started at 150pm and ended at around 4pm.. den went back home to slack...

4th may

slacking and watching the drama called 'Jin Zhi Yu Nia' at home.. after that decided to pack my messy room..

5th may

still packing my small little room.. nv knew i had so many pairs of earrings, hmmm... but they are all over the place.. went with Jia Sheng to wala wala for Mugant and Pearlyn farewell session..

Initially promised JS that i will hav dinner with him that night. bUt den forgot that i hav to go wala for the farewell.. so in the end ate dinner with JS den we went over to wala to join them..

The night is alittle weird la, cos i brought JS.. pearlYn kept saying he's a good catch but then seriously, he's not the kind of guys i will go for.. yes, i think he's quite good-looking but people, let me announce here that he is already attached.. he is just a normal friend ok?.. so dun get the wrong idea ar....

As usual, the wala's queue is long.. i got a little impatient and angry while waiting..den when i was finally up at 2nd level's wala, i got burnt by this smoker's ciagarette on my left hand.. sucKx manx.. its seriously very painful... dAmn that smoker...

we had some liquor and beer.. den until around 12pm, most of them are leaving so JS and I left as well.. YC took a lift from JS to raffles hall.. after that we went to the clarke quay area to chill..

we came to this pub that bing used to bring me.. that pub is crowded since it is a Fri night.. sang some of my fav songs and we left..

Home sweet hOmE..

7th may

Tuition at 8pm..

8th may

Supposedly to have a food trail with my UCC team pple.. but becos pearlyn last minute couldnt make it, so we hav no choice but to forgo it.. Cos no car means cannot travel around Singapore to enjoy the delicious and cheap food..

I was actually anticipating for it.. but sighx.. nvm.. i shall organise my own food trail next time.. People who turned up include YC, LM, Anna, Benny, Marcus, Melissa and Me!! Charissa joined us later..

Though the food trail was cancelled, we went to cineleisure to eat the jap sushi buffet on level 5.. we then proceeded to the Swensons at the crown prince hotel for some ice-cream where Charissa joined us.. thank you Liang Ming for the treat.. =)

Went back home at around 6pm.. den had an intensive tuition from 730pm to 1030pm.. cos isabella flunk her maths paper 1.. it is shocking to hear that news.. i was stunned for a few seconds.. after the shock came apprehension.. wad will happen to her grades?! from A1 to B? or worst to C? i really cant imagine.. i was so scared that i tried to think of all ways and methods to remedy that situation.. i told her to look thru all her assessment questions and try to understand every answers inside..

Seriously, i think this is the result of bein too complacent after faring well from previous tests and examinations.. consistency is the only way to success..

9th may to 11th may

watching another Ou Xiang Ju called "e zuo zu zhi wen".. Love the show.. thInk you guys shld watch it cos i think the plot is really good.. hEex..

12th may

Went Pulau Ubin with Selina, Sher Ying, Sharmen and Zhi Hao to CyclE at around 12pm.. it has been ages since i went cycling.. So fUn!!! Haha.. A Challenging place to cycle indeed... There are many slopes and some parts do not have the nicely built roads, quite jungle-liked.. The boat ride costs $2 and the bike rental is $8 for abt 4 hours.. quite cheap.. so hEre we go, exploring this deserted area with our bikes.. hMm.. Quite surprised to see so many pple on this island today... think it is becos it is a public hol.. well.. we cycled until around 3pm before it started raining.. went to hide under a shelter, had some drinks and rest.. waited for the rain to stop before continued riding a few more rounds.. most of us were quite dirty by the time we returned cos the soil has splattered onto the back of our shirts.. Bleahs...

Wondered why we dint had our dinner there.. I initially planned to have some seafood there one.. i am actually working today one lor. but becos of this outin i asked ter to replace.. in the end, when we reached the mainland, all of us went home for dinner except for me and sher ying.. how disappointin...

Two of us decided to go ang mo kio for dinner.. den on the bus, sherying called kelvin and derrick to join us at amk.. had a steamboat there at one of the coffee shops.. my legs and hands felt so cold tt i really wanted to have sth hot to make myself not so cold..

We ate and chatted until around 10pm.. before we went home..

13th may
went to sharmen's place to play mahjong with derrick and kelvin.. played until around 5pm before i started to travel to ucc again for work.. almost late for it..

14th may
working at taka.. sales 1501.. sales is lousy tt night.. no business lehx.. sighx..

15th may
went for the interview at five stars tours... realised that it is a job that requires us to pick up calls and handle sales.. had training for the whole day on that...

16th may
dint want to go for that job at five stars anymore cos i dint like it.. quite tedious with long, inflexible hours.. den went to job search with evelyn at tampines.. went to recruit express and adeco job agency at the cpf building..

pple at recruit express wasnt as friendly and helpful as those at the adeco.. probably they were too busy to entertain so many of us..

17th may
happy bdaE to YC!!!!! may all ur wishes come true and may good luck always be with you.. God bLess YA..

18th may
HappY birthday to my dearest sisTEr, Qi.. muacks muack.. so poor thing still got to study so hard for ur tests on ur bdae.. bleahx.. lets go lunch to take that as a bdae prezzie.. cos recently too poor to buy presents.. nvm.. i'll make up for it soon.. Jia You O.. =)

Post Exams Period...

2006-05-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

26th Apr

I had law paper that day.. that was my last paper.. Felt that the paper was not difficult just that for some reasons i think i may hav screwed it.. think it is my writing skilld and my bad handwriting that made me feel this way.. sighx.. anyway it is over, i doubt i can do anything now.. I serious dunno wad kind of grades i will be getting but i pray that i will not do badly and i will get my desired CAPs.. i noe it is kinda tough but well.. let me just dream about it..

After Law, i went to find my sister.. wanted to cut my fringe and dye my hair.. but dint want my sis to wait for me, so we went home.. bleahs.. dint noe why i dint sleep immediately i got home despite feeling really tired and restless.. slept late that night cos i was online checking emails and chatting..

27th Apr

Working Lancome Tangs today afternoon shift.. Just one day after my exams.. Sighs.. stop working for so long.. dint noe a lot of stuff.. felt quite useless there... Many Boxes of Stocks came and all of us were busy packing stocks.. and becos it is the redemption period, super alot of customers came to redeem their items.. met one very nice malay customer and she bought alot of products from me.. =) That sale alone is almost half of my total sales for the day la.. hmm.. den 20 mins before the store closed, i still have to remove all the boxes of stocks that is in the storeroom because they need to change the advertisement on the window as they are launching the new advanced product called Maquicake.. move the boxes alone until my hand kena scratched by the boxes.. Super tough job with little pay.. sighx.. guess i'd better change a job soon..

28th Apr

Went shopping with Reina, Audrey, Wei Jing and Maggie today at Bugis.. Had some traumatised Experience for WJ as she met a flasher in seiyu.. super gross and disgusting sia.. we were shopping at the topshop in seiyu, when that guy unzipped his pants and flashed his *ahem*.. I dint see that so cannot comment.. but WJ was really shocked and frightened by that stupid fellow la.. When Maggie went to call for help, that guy quickly walked away.. We reported to the Seiyu security but they cant do much also other than walking behind us to search for him.. in the end, we couldnt find him so no choice have to give up the search.. bleahx..

we still continued with our shopping and we asked WJ to forget that incident even though that fellow really ought to shot la.. In the end, I've bought a lot of stuff.. like 2 bags, 1 top and 1 high heel shoe which is super chio la cos makes me super tall.. hahah.. Went back earlier becos I have tuition at 8pm.. so dint had dinner with them.. hmmm..

After tuition, YY jio-ed me go MOS.. i told him that i was terribly broke, so dun wanna go.. but den after some "persuausion", i still went cos he will treat me to the cab fare and sent me home.. Xiu Zhi and Kenny came as well.. ehh.. i think MoS is big and new but their songs quite sucky.. perhaps the timing is not good as it is a friday night.. hMmm.. but still dint really enjoy myself la.. think i'm sick of clubbing le.. From now on, shall club less.. =)

29th Apr

Reached home at abt 2am.. den washed up and went to bed.. woke up at 8am to go jogging with Sebast.. after that had tuition at 10am.. den 2pm went tampines to redeem my skin care products.. reached town at abt 430pm to collect some stuff.. and den went UCC from there.. recieved a sms from pearlyn that LM's dad had passed away.. was super shocked but.. ya... LM gotta be strong.. everyone will die someday, it is just a matter of when..

the event that night is performed by SSO.. apparently, we expected more patrons as we planned to open up all the seats from level 1 - 3.. in the end, only the centre block of L1 is filled.. hMm.. anyway, think team A's style of working is alittle too much for me to take it.. kinda too serious and stringent with alot of things.. i was lucky to hav 3 other Team c pple working if not i think i will be so super dead manx.. thats my 1st cross team event.. it is certainly good to have a team of pple who have the correct mindset and attitude towards their jobs.. esp after belinda has taken over the managment.. but den, is there such a need to put up that kind of seriousness, making other pple feel so uneasy?! hmm.. perhaps it is just me.. = (

Went to the LM's dad's wake after the event.. As i wasnt wearing the correct colour (red), so i went over to YC's hall to change.. borrowed her cardigan to hide my red top.. hmm.. in the end, they dint wait for us and left to the Singapore Casket.. Very very very FURy at that moment.. it's like wad kind of friends do i have la.. ok la.. they still sent Larry over to fetch us den felt a little better.. and after mugant explained, den knew that they din have the space in the car oso.. bUt still.. felt kinda disappointed la.. i guess that's inevitable.. cant help it but to feel that way.. imagine if you were me, being left behind by ur group of friends, how would u feel? angry? sad? disppointed? mixed feelings?

left the place at abt 1130pm with Benny and Jia Yin.. took 107 with benny.. realised that he also worked in the same "outdoor sales" company as me when i was sec 4.. but think he entered and left the company before i joined.. tough to find jobs.. bleahx...

reached home at 12 plus am..

30 Apr

Woke up early in the morning at 730am to prepare for work at taka.. yes.. Lancome again.. today is the last day for redmeption so quite alot of pple came in the afternoon.. den super busy until 630pm.. supposed to left at 530pm but stayed until near 7pm.. hmm.. as i was meeting JC friends, i couldnt stay to hit my target.. sighx.. jus a few hundreds more for sales and i could have earned double of the commission that i would be getting...

Also another thing.. there's this eurasian gal working at taka.. she couldnt speak chinese but expect sales to be given to her if she served that customer first.. hello my dear gal, u cant speak chinese, den how could u hav gotten the saleS? first thing, communication with the customer is very important.. if u cant communicate with her, the sales will of cos go to us.. u understand? you must noe that it is us and not u to persuade her the importance of buying that product.. How thick skinned of u to ask us to give u that sales.. bleahx.. thats certainly illogical despite the fact that u served her first... well.. i just cant swallow that, so i'm complainin now..

after work, i went to meet them at wheelock place.. they had finished their dinner at NYDC when i reached.. hmm.. we went far east to take neoprints.. den went to republic foodcourt to get some desserts.. went back to hougang plaza to find YY and play pool..

Kenny was there as well.. he wanted to play pool with me as he got to know from YY that I said
few pple in SRJC could play pool.. becos of that he wanted to challenge my pool's skills.. hmm.. in the end i lost by 1 ball.. but think my standard should hav win him ba.. since that was my first game when i first reached there..

played with derrick and sharmen.. hmm.. sharmen has improved his pool skills.. but i still won him.. hehex.. went home with derrick at abt 1am.. he walked me home before taking cab home..

1st May

Labour day!! PuBlic Hol.. i slept until 330pm.. cos felt extremely tired.. my legs were already giving way since yesterday.. as i have been working and standing ever since thurs.. didnt hav enuff rest for my legs.. and have been feeling rather tired and lethargic.. so just keep sleeping and sleeping..

gave tuition to Isabella at 4pm.. and den came home for dinner.. went out to accompany sharmen and kelvin for dinner at abt 9pm.. as sharmen has not had his dinner yet.. after that went for dessert at selegie soya bean near kovan.. den went home..

thats all folks.. =)

Side effects of panadol

2006-05-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

Please read the following content. It is sent to my email recently.. Think it is very important!!!!!!!!!!

My husband was working in a hospital as an IT engineer, as the hospital is planning to set up a database of its patient. And he knows some of the doctors quite well. The doctors used to tell him that whenever they have a headache, they are not willing to take PANADOL(PARACETMOL). In fact, they will turn to Chinese Herbal Medicine or find other alternatives. This is because Panadol is toxic to the body, and it harms the liver. According to the doctor, Panadol will reside in the body for at least 5 years. And according to the doctor, there used to be an incident where an air stewardess consumes a lot of panadol during her menstrual as she needs to stand all the time. She's now in her early 30's, and she needs to undergo kidney dialysis every month. As said by the doctor that whenever we have a headache, that's because it is due to the electron/Ion imbalance in the brain. As an Alternative solution to cope with this matter, they suggested that we buy 1 or 2 cans of isotonic drink (eg.100PLUS), and mix it with drinking water according to a ratio of 1:1 or 1:2 (simply, it means one cup 100 plus, one cup water or 2 cups water). Me and my husband have tried this on several occasi! ons, and it seems to work well. Another method will be to submerge your feet in a basin of warm water so that it bring the blood pressure down from your throbbing head. As Panadol is a pain killer, the more Panadol you take, the lesser would be your threshold for pain (your endurance level for pain). We all will fall ill as we aged, for woman, we would need to go through childbirth. Imagine that we had spent our entire life popping quite a substantial amount of Panadol ( Pain Killer ) when you need to have a surgery or operation, you will need a much more amount of general anesthetic to numb your surgical pain than the average person who seldom or rarely takes Panadol. If you have a very high intake of Panadol throughout your life (Migraine, Menstrual cramps) it is very likely that normal general anesthetic will have no effects on you as your body is pumped full with panadol and your body is so used to pain killer that you would need a much stronger pain killer, morphine. The thought is scary enough to turn me to Chinese Herbal Medicine or other healthier alternative. Value your health, value your life, THINK b4 you easily pop that familiar pill into your mouth again.

my thoughts...

2006-04-17T19:34:00.000+08:00

Exams is really really near.. 3 days more before my 1st paper starts.. scaRe scare...

I really really want to give my best to this sem's exam because i just cannot believe that i'm that lousy in SDE.. so many many things came into my mind while i was studying.. I thought i shld really do well so that i will not let myself and my parents down.. also because i want to prove that i'm not stupid.. apparently, my sis and my bro are doing very well in their academic, except me.. wHy mE??!? i dun wan to be the stupidest in my family... i want to do well and earn my scholarships and career in the near future...

sucks... i'm not from a rich family.. thats why i wan to break the poverty cycle.. not that i'm very poor, just that i have to earn my pocket money and pay for my sch fees.. i wan to do well in my studies!!!!!!!!! god, please bless me with wisdom and a good memory for this coming exams.. i dun wan to disappoint myself again.. oh lord, please give me that perserverance to carry on with my mugging efficiently.. let me be bright again...

somebody pls help me...
econs is killing me slowly and softly.. before i knew it, i might already be dead...

gal is no longer dreamin as she has no time to...

our story..

2006-04-15T15:21:00.000+08:00

we met during FOC in last year's june/july. He was my OGL. suAve, dark, and funny is my first impression of him.. aFter some time, i realised i have fallen for hIm.. before i know it, this guy has already stolen my heart away.. Oh no.. craP i thought.. but well, he was close to my 'mr perfect' husband.. how could i have resisted?

after camp, we started msg-ing each other.. and msn online.. went out together for movies and he accompanied me to take the basic driving test... on 1st aug, we are officially together.. mature, clever and caring husband-to-be.. seriously, he's the type of husband that i'd want to marry in future..

To be continued...

dePressed

2006-04-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

FeeLing quite empty without hIm around.. why does the effect only take place noW? how come there's a lag time one?!! is he getting together with her? why am i so concerned, and alittle jealous.. i didnt treasure him when he's around, only after i have lost him, den i start questioning myself about that.. is that lovE? is that jealousy? is that how one will normally feel after one has broken up and saw him with another gal? is that so?

are we really gone?

2006-03-30T19:27:00.000+08:00

dunno why.. but i am very affected with wj's new rumoured gf.. i really felt jealous when i read his blog.. yet i still cannot bring myself to commit into a relationship.. i think i'm really very selfish if i asked him to wait for me to become prepared for a relationship.. but den i really not used to having him not by my side.. i yearn for those days when he's by my side.. but i dun wan to get tie down.. so i guess single is the way for me..

i doubt i can get married before 24 liao..doubt i can be a full time homemaker too.. sighx... why am i like dat?!! keep contradicting myself with the things i wan...

best wishes in his new relationship..

best wishes in identifying wad i really wan.. hopefully not too long..

scary

2006-03-22T15:29:00.000+08:00

It's scary when somebody treats you overly good.. apprEhension floods my mind..

i wish.. i wish..

2006-03-18T13:38:00.000+08:00

how i wish..

life is never smooth-sailing,
there will always be difficult times.
some people pulled through them,
some people flopped them.

what is your decision?
what is my decision?
are yOu riding over the waves,
or are you drowning in the sea?

i hope i am not drowning yet,
because i have many good friends who love me.
how's it possible that no one has troubles and problems?
we jus have to learn how to solve these adversities.

wad do you thInk?

gal gal is day-dreamin again.. sighx..

haPPy bdae Loo..

2006-03-17T19:11:00.000+08:00

1st..
Let me wisH lOo haPPy 22nd bdae.. 1 year older means shld be more mature and can thInk wiser le.. made some jellies for Loo and clique.. that was meant to be a little present for Loo since i was too busy recently to shop for any present.. gLad that theY like the dessert becos i love them too.. buT seriously, he'll be the only guy within the group whom i will be willing to make him the jellies.. of cos, i will oso make my dear gals if they are craving for any food too.. hMm.. i can make cheesecake and jellies.. =) haHa.. i will definetely make a good housewife in future..

Seriously speakiNG, i feel extremely out of place in the group.. joining a clique is indeed not easy.. i feel really tired of blending in with them and at times, i feel discouraged.. becos i simply cant be my natural self when i'm with them.. i thiNk i shld jus forget abt blending in.. rather, i shld just do the things and go the way that i think are more appropriate.. i seriously shldnt force myself, creatin so many problems for me..

ah gaL shld jus do wad she wants to..

Busy week ahead

2006-03-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to hate myself and the world.. I'm no longer the haPPy gal that I used to be in the past.. I have noticed the change ever since I came NUS.. It seems that the stressful environment is taking away alot of things from me.. my smile, my complexion, and my friends are gone.. wad came into exchange for those are merely stress and evilness..

I care alot about my inner feelings.. I cant describe properly who I am now because I oso dunno myself.. I'm still searching the current me.. who can I talk to with all these? practically no one in uni.. and when i turn to my Jc friends, i realised that they wun noe how i feel though they will be able to lend me their ears..

What is happening to mE?! I hate to be the gal now.. i dun like myself.. its jus not ME at all.. where did the innocent and chirpy gal go to?? where?? can i find her back? i think sooner or later i'll jus gonna break down.. every single day now is a misery and its painful to know that i hav no solution to it.. I really cant help but hate myself..

I hate Nus.. I hate to grow up.. I hate everything..

Perhaps i shld go back church.. at least it will help to calm me down and give me a better idea on who i am now..

gal will get crazy soon..

ChuBbY cHuBBy!!

2006-03-14T19:24:00.000+08:00

i'M so chUBby Now.. Very very sad.. thInk recently really eat too much le ba.. face got roUnder le.. miLlion siGhx.. ARGGggg!!! i waNt to rUN... run.. buT nO motivatIon leh.x... maMa.. please give me some motivation ba..

Jus aPplied for Sheares hall as 1st choiCE.. will I get in? hmm.. jus pray for the best ba..

Projects are piLing up.. buT i'm still slackiNg.. shUcks..

Byex..

How nice If I can jus dream and do nothin..

Gal dun wan to grow up..

Week 8

2006-03-11T14:05:00.000+08:00

sO fast a week has passed..

recaLled

Monday 06/03/06

Tutorials and lectures for the whole day.. only realised during the Finance tut that we hav a test on the following week.. but luckily Moses said he will postphone it.. den went FS with the gang after the lecture for a small supper.. fUn pple.. but keep kena suan by no reason.. ok.. perhaps i shld learn how to not get agitated and make peace.. hmm..

Tuesday 07/03

woke up go sch for tut at 1pm.. den stayed in sch to do some self-studying.. went Mac saw wJ.. had dinner with him.. den went CBLC saw ReinA.. accompanied her eat dinner before i went back to continue doing my writing 3.. thanx JR for helping me to do the outline.. went home at around 11pm.. met bao shan on the bus den realised that netball training only end so late.. kinda shocked.. chatted with her abt some last time stuffs.. home sweet home.. continued my writing until 3am.. Sweet dreams..

Wednesday (08/03)

i shld be out with JB to watch movie at cine.. but he stood me up.. VerY verY anGRy!!! cos he's sleeping at home when i'm at orchard.. and he dint pick up my call.. so how do i noe he's sleepin? becos i called his hse.. den his father said he's sleepin.. funny ar.. first time someboday flew my kite until i so angry lehx.. took bus home.. angry for the whole day.. was wondering if i shld go for yun long's bdae celebration at momo.. becos dint buy any present for him.. but still went at the last min.. nice partying..

pple who went are me, reina, yvonne, huiyi, cody, kenny, jr, loo, hongjie, matthew and ronald.. hmm.. rather shocked when i first saw jr lighting a ciagarette.. cos he doesnt look like he smoke one.. and my impression for him is he's quite guai.. buT... guessed i'm wrong..

got very very extremely sad and disappointed when i see loo smokin.. i feel like slapping him.. dunno whether if he's too drunk or wad.. super stubborn la.. jus dun wan to stop smoking even after reina and I keep snatching away his ciagarettes.. angry lehx..

Group Photo when they were still sane

yvonne, kenny, ronald

this is when they have all became a little high and insane..
(from left) JR, Ronald, Kenny and loo
Behind is Yun Long (kinda gone)

we are the more sane group.. =)
(from left) me, yvonne, kenny, reina, huiyi and ronald

Me and Sweet ReiNa

From left: huiyi, me and reina

Thursday (07/03)

reached home at 2am last night.. fell asleep at 4am.. woke up at 8am for the law lecture.. everybody looks shagged and tired.. me thighs ache like mad.. cant walk very well.. den went lecture as usual and after that dance lesson.. BYOL is tonight.. Reina and Audrey are performing.. thInk reina super shagged la.. still hav to perform today.. dint go to BYOL.. but heard that it was good..

had dinner with the guys den went to chinatown partyworld for a small JC gathering.. pple there include sharmen, zhi hao, derrick, kelvin, sher ying and me.. dint sing for a super long time.. den so happy dat they hav this gathering at partyworld.. think i keep hogging the mike.. cos alot of duets.. den sher ying dunno how to sing.. so became i sing... sing until 12am den took cab home..

i refused to admit that i miss him..

Friday (10/03)

Lessons as usual until 2pm.. den thought i can go interview Christina.. but when she saw the questions she told me she cant answer them.. i got a shock la.. even though this scenario has came across my mind before.. sighX.. looking at the deadline for the IP is coming nearer but i still dun hav the person to interview.. very worried now.. sobx sobx..

Arggg.. i feel so angry with myself.. becos of this interview i asked somebody to replace my usher duty.. i oso skipped the DE Club celebration dinner since i dun hav the mood to go.. felt really tired.. went home from town and ssleep..

that's my week.. did i play too much?

Gal afraid to grow up..

2006-03-04T12:42:00.000+08:00

4/3/06

haVe been rather bus with alot of things.. dun really noe wad i am doing also.. i seem to always be in a daze.. sighx. biz com is making me mad.. collection of money for the biz comm shirt is kinda crazy.. so many pple were like nowhere to be seen, den how chould i collect? and the design of the shirt is really bad.. doubt i will wear it out..

projects are piling and my headache is gettin worse.. i shld really make good use of my time.. time management is certainly essential for undergrads..

had a good sleep last night..

3/3/06

conflicts seem to be all around.. and i dun wan to be involved in such games.. i'm neutral until i see it for myself..

for both the BU and Econs lecture, i wasnt really listening.. i dint noe wad i was doing there when i'm not listening.. feel rather wasting time.. angry with myself.. but i think the lecturer oso quite lousy la.. talk too much redundant stuff le.. almost felt asleep at the Econs lecture..

after Bu lccture, waited for Danny for a meetin.. but he was quite late.. one suggestion is he shld really plan for meetings.. cos last minute meetings really pissed pple off.. its really not nice to do that...

after meeting, zhihong, reina and i went for lunch.. strictly speaking its only me having lunch cos they had theirs already.. after lunch, we includin audrey got onto hongjie's car..but hongjie's car was already sitting jun rong and aubrey le.. its like 3 + 4 = 7 pple in a tiny car.. think the car seriously sunk .. but i was rather proud that we were able to sit so many in such small cars.. hEex..

went with them to seng siong to buy cartons of can drinks.. den after that we went to queensway to buy jr's present.. haPPy belated present...!!! he had been wanting to get the soccer boots for quite some time le.. den this time, we bring him there to buy.. thiNk from his expression, he liked it alot.. good gooD.. rushed back school for econs lecture..

dint had notes and sat there to listen.. in order to prevent myself from sleeping, i kept copying the notes from the ppt slides and tried to understand wad he's saying.. after lecture went back to sde comp lab to do some research.. coincidencely, saw wJ.. but dint say hi cos thought he dint see me.. but eventually said bye when he's leaving.. wad crap rite.. okk..

after that, HJ picked us up and later SY for dinner to clementi.. yvOnne and maT met us later.. had a nice dinner and proceeded home.. den very qiao.. met JR on the bus.. haHa..

thats all folks for the day..

gaL gaL is in daze.. dreaming over you...

2006-02-28T00:37:00.000+08:00

so many assignments, so many projects and so many events.. headache and more headache.. but luckily solved one headache le.. called pearlyn last night.. apologised to her.. think she's still quite sad.. pray that she's alright and will be the cheerful pearlyn that we used to know..

hmm.. my eye candy is attached.. congratulated him.. but no more eye candy lo.. guess i hav to concentrate more on my studies instead of looking at cute guys le.. haha..

this afternoon, martin talked to me about alot of things on the DE Club and BEMSoc treasurer.. i'm really impressed with the things that he do.. systematic and organised.. he asked me if i wan to be his successor, i said i dun wan cos a lot of politics.. den he told me that everywhere will have politics so long there's presence of men.. he's right.. but i'm still considering if i hav sufficient time.. dun wanna make myself so busy le..

very tired.. try to sleep less.. but keep havin bad breakouts.. super upset... why are there pimplES?!!!! hate it!!!!! ok.. anyway, i need to sleep now.. goodnight...

gal gal cannot dream anymore..

haPpy hOlidaYs.. bUt den keEp plaYing and diNt studY...

2006-02-23T02:23:00.000+08:00

21st feb

wenT for the VdaE treat at suNteC mArche.. plaYed some stupid games there while waitin for meisi.. dinT wan to play that forfeit oso.. buT really nothIng else that's fUn is there la.. oso need to wait for meisi ma.. hmm.. anyway, the lunch was alright since its a treat so cannot expect too much la ritE?.. haha.. but the game was exciting la.. can see pple try to avoid kissing each other.. good to see them more cheered up during that game session.. i'm so clevEr.. haHa.. thInk more of such bonding sessions will be very good.. shld jus organise more of such events..

after the lunch, the gals went for a shopping trip around suntec.. fUn to shop together.. but guess we spent too much time in 1 store le.. so, making me shop less and hav to go back home cos got to rush to tuition after that...

i almost had a heart attack when my tuition gal told me that she failed her maths algebra test la.. its like i felt very very guilty cos i only taught her for an hour the day be4 her test.. den now fail the test made me feel like a failure.. but well, i hav seen thru the paper.. its quite an easy to average paper.. she really shldnt fail the test.. sighx.. isabellA better work hard manx.. stop all the careless mistAKES!! if not i will definitely strangle her..

22nd Feb

went school to submit the english writing 2 draft in the morning.. den met WJ for lunch at Arts canteen.. reached dhoby ghaut at 140pm.. met pearlin to go shoPPin at town!!! den, we walked around plaza sing... walked quite long... before we proceed to heeren.. bought quite alot of things again.. 1 tube top, 1 skirt and some other accessories.. not bad la.. spent like less than 30 bucks.. hmm.. think i really noe how to save money..

den pear walked me to taka coffee bean.. cos i having group meeting for finance there.. sorry pEeps.. was late again.. dunno wads wrong with me.. always late one lor. shld try to change this bad habit manx.. if not, when i start working, i sure kena reprimand by my boss..

well anywya, after that i met bIng for dinner at cine kobaYashi den movie, final destnation3 after that.. nice movie.. shld go watch!! abit disgustin though.. saw arthur at cine.. so qiao.. he's going back to australia this fri night.. shld i go see him ofF? hmmm.. after movie we went home..

ShoPping is sO fuN...

2006-02-20T16:29:00.000+08:00

19th feb

woke up early in the morning at around 9am to rush to work at centrepoint.. was late by 15 mins cos i dint noe how to get to the staff entrance of robinsons.. in case u dun noe, i'm working at lancome yesterday la.. worked from 10am to 6pm.. my sales was like shit la.. so lousy, only 499.. expected alot more from this grade A counter lehx..

anyway, after work, i met wj for dinner at the cine pastamania.. felt really full from the meal.. den i met my pri sch friend, clarice, as well as 2 other jc friends at cine oso.. initially wasnt able to remember her name but i hav this feeling that i shld noe her.. so i figured out that she shld be from the same pri sch class as me as she wasnt from cedar.. haha.. anyway, it was nice to see her again.. face didnt change, but hairstyle is so funky now..

toked to them for a while before they went to catch their movie, pink panther.. den i shopped around at cine.. i never felt so fun shopping before.. bought quite a lot of stuff.. 2 tops, 1 dress, 5 earrings and 1 nail sticker accessory.. thInk i too deprived from shopping le.. haven went shopping ever since late dec i think..

met peiwen on my way home.. saw her on the NEL train.. den realised that she stays super near my hse.. we talked for quite a while abt DE clUb la.. think our conclusion was not to be so stupid and joined the club next sem.. haHa..

I wan Go kBox.. anyone wants to accompany me?? can listen to my beautiful voice oOo.. interested parties please calL me at 9***0***... hEex..

realLy love the clothes that i bought.. hEex..

haPpy gaL in her own simple world..

20th feb

my very first day to play ever since term break started 2 days ago.. very fast, it is gonna end le.. hmm.. so many things to do yet so little free time to complete.. guess i shld practise better time management to cope with the heavier workloads in future.. sighs..

wanted to study finance and law one.. but seems like i dint do much lehx.. sighs.. wasted my time slacking again la.. shucks.. think sleep too much will oso leads to u became lazier ba.. think i slept for abt 9 hours from last night.. den feelin very tired now.. so can anyone tells me wads the best number of hours to sleep??

i think i better stop blogging too much.. getting so naggy and raising so many stupid questions lately...

can anyone tells me how to make the blog with music.??

laLa caNNot play le.. neEds to staRt mugGin liaox...

SDE day, Bash and Econs Test

2006-02-18T18:45:00.000+08:00

15th Feb (SDE daY)

dint go sch today cos no lessons.. but today is Sde daY, where there's sort of a fun fair at Sde, so i went to check it out in the late afternoon.. the 'garden' walkway had large tentage along the path.. but dunno is it i reach too late le, the place looks very empty.. hMm.. probably due to the rain earlier that dispersed the crowd..

saw xiao yun, meisi they all so sat down at the the biz booth and talked to them for a while.. the booth was set up to allow pple to return the tix that they were asked to sell for the bash.. hmm.. from wad i saw on the book, not alot of pple returned the tix.. really dunno how the bash will turn out..

went over to the forum to meet SY and nickY for the SS project work at around 5pm.. at around 7pm, SY treated me to a dinner buffet at GenKi.. dinT expect him to realLy treat me thaT meal.. tHaNx anyway.. but i dint really help him alot with the flowers.. guEss i eaRned myself a meal..

felt very paiseh becos he actuaLLy doesnt really eat JaPanEse food one.. deN he oso doesnt eat raw so feel quite bAd abt it.. but it was fuN la.. suaN-ing each other.. cos i need to leave early for tuition so dint eat alot.. 2 of us only ate 18 plates if i'm not wrong.. shld eat the lunch buffet den can digest better.. heex.. anYwaY, sms hIm to thaNk hiM for the treat after i got onto the bus..

aftEr tuition.. i came home to study the SS ppt presentation.. prepared notes for the required slides den chat for a while oso... tooK kinda loNg as i was printing econs notes. den in the end only slept around 5am.. siGhs.. dunno why so late den sleep oso.. hMmm.. wad was i doin aR?

16 Feb (pPt + BasH)

woke uP at 8am, slept 3 hours only.. den prepare to go sch for law lecture at 10am.. after that from 1-2pm, my SS group tried to rehearse for our presentation at the benches outside the Biz classroom.. Nicky and I were rather nervous.. HonGjie was the most calm one.. lOoked rather confident.. thInk the presentation dint do very well.. suB-standard onLY.. siGhx.. scored a rathEr lousY score of 72..

after that went for exotic dance at YiH.. aS usual, i was late tut only end punctually at 5pm.. deN revised the moves cos i learnt before already.. quite fuN, hope i become less fat.. i wan to be skinnY~~!!!! cos i think the moves are more suitable for skinny pple.. haHa...

after the lesson, i went home to prepare to go for the bash later at clUb mOmo.. on the way home, artHur calleD.. he asked for 2 more tiX as his friends are coming.. aH biNg also smsed me to go dinner.. but told him i going home for dinner, asked him if he would like to come over to my sch's bash.. he asked if that was considered as me dating him out.. den i replied him that if he wants to, it is lor.. so he came to my bash too... so haPPy!! suddenly sellin so many tix..

while i was having dinner, alvin called me to say that he is coming to my bash oso with his officers in the camp.. so haPPy.. bIng took a cab to pick me up from my house from there we den went to central mall.. reached at around 945pm.. was rather empty and quiet.. theiR sEcurity suX so much that it jus pissed me off totalLY.. HellO.. u gUys are onlY bouncers, do u all need to be so arrogant and ruDE.. suX maNx.. i will nv go MOMo again.. NeVEr!! zoUk is like how much better than them la..

anywaY, i got in with biNg.. really very empty.. onlY had very few tables were with pple.. den alot of bachelors.. they jus seem so desperate.. i suddenly felt like i shldnt hav come.. well.. anyway, played pool with bIng.. was kinda distracted during the game cos i need to direct and bring arthur with his friends in..

after he came, he saw the situation and asked if we want to go the doUble O, whicH we be better than that place la.. but i dint wan to cos its my sch's bash ma.. how can i do that rite? well, he left the place with his 2 other friends to double O.. we sent them off den we went to a kTv pUb there to sing.. fUn!! that was my first time there.. so FuN!! like it alot.. thInk i may frequent there more often than club.. haHa..

halF or more of the niGht, i was actualLy drinkIng and sinGiNg there.. haHa.. cos mOmo reallY suX.. the crowd CMI at all.. i juS felt so bad asking my friends to come.. esp when they said they wanted me to recommend chiobus to him.. the thinG is the club has not many ladies.. more guys actually.. siGhx.. in the end they oso left at around 2 am..

tHe bash failed terriblY la.. but i really dint hav the heart to tell pEi wen that it was my worst clubBing sessiOn.. cos i can see that she realLY put in alot of effort into this event.. perhaps they shld not hav chosen that date and that place.. the date is simply too near to out mid term tests and momo is too big for our faculty.. they shld get smaller clubs, like double O.. hMm..
okay la.. saw some Sde pple druNk.. den quite funny lor.. like Yun lOng, serenE, arthuR and matthew oso.. hMmm.. heard MartIn also druNk.. but dint get to see it.. wasted sia..

mE and JoshuA at MomO..

thIs is ah bIng.. mY cousiN..

wE are at the Ktv PUb..
me, binG, ryaN, .. and arthur..

afTer pUb, went back mOmo a while be4 we go home.. tiring night. slept at around 4am..

17th Feb

wokE up a 8am to go sch for englishat ten am.. den met YC after that.. told her i'm not going for BU, going somewhere to study.. so we went to the cafe at Uni Hall.. quite quiet place.. nice environment.. had a big cup of coffee be4 i can really study econs.. den cos hungry so we went to sci canteen to eat.. after lunch, we studied at sci library.. quiet place to study but too cold le.. thInk hav to wear 3 jackets if i need to study there comfortably..

studied until 8 plus pm.. den went home.. continued to study at home until 12 am.. really very sleepy..

18th Feb (ECons Test)

slept until 7am.. woke up to study econs.. den left house at 12pm.. felt very dumb.. keep travelling in and out of NuS.. shld jus stay there for good.. save my travellin time.. shall stay there next sem if i'm given a chance to.. hMm..

the test was quite tricky but do-able la.. dunnoe how would i fare manx.. very worried.. MaY God bless me with a decent result... sleepY noW... tired manx.. this havoc week is finally going to be over.. i'm so glad that term breaks is here.. hapPy!!!!!!!

gaL gaL likes hOlidaY.!!! huRraY!!!! hEex..

wAd a tiriNg VdAE!

2006-02-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

caMe early in the morning to school to do my English Writing 1 cos need to be submitted later during tutorial.. deN met kiT wan at around 11am to deliver the bouquets.. thanx kitwan for being so kind as to help us deliver 2 bouquets.. really very sweet of him.. he dropped me at the hall den i help SY to deliver the flowers to his "girL friend".. its like the gal doesnt seem to be surprised when she saw the flowers.. she had a sleepy look .. think she's kinda tired... vEry sweet lookin and pretty girl frienD that SY has.. haha.. purposely added in these to suan him.. anyway, he wanted to buy me dinner tonight but i couldnt cos of the flowers delivery..

enG tut from 1-3pm.. after that bought my brunch to the DE room and eaT.. deN quickly at 330pm went to deliver flowers with Joshua's uncle.. musT realLY thaNk his uncle for the service... he got 2 shifts.. he drove from 830am to 230pm den from 330pm until 9pm.. Wa... its 12 hours leh!!! den paid him 110 instead of 85bucks cos of overtime.. shld finished by 6pm but dragged until 9pm.. making both of us no dinner.. sighx.. i was thinking of giving 120 but think biz comm got budget so dint give.. hMM.. anyway, he's nice..

had quite a few gals were a little shocked and very happy when they saw the flowers.. very cute reaction.. haHa.. den i must say the flowers are reallly wrapped until very pretty.. gOOd QC that meisi has.. really admire her for that.. finally found someone who is even more perfectionist than me.. gooD!!

oVErall.. i thInk the vdae event has succeeded.. i do hav a sense of satisfaction but not as much as i had when i was in JC organising events too.. i dunno how much our profits are but i hope it will be at least 1000 so as to make all our efforts worthwhile..

At this pt in time, i really want to thank Meisi (I/C) for putting so much effort and responsibility in this event.. thank Jasmine for always being there for Meisi.. Thank Khala and Meisi again for wrapping the flowers overnight yesterday.. realLY really appreciate alot of their hard work.. i hope they dint tire themselves too badly.. i oso wan to thank the comm members for beinG there.. aLL were present.. but i specially want to thank Xiao YUn and oso Diana and Tong and cHaur Jih and Kenny and Matthew and Joshua and Kit Wan and Mei Si and Jasmine.. which is EveRybody who has made this event a success.. i oso want to SPECIALLY THANK Martin and Pei Ling for making the effort to come down to SDE on Sunday to help us wrap the flowers.. really reallly thank them for that... i jus wan to say i'm very glad that this event was a team effort.. it seems like everybody is contributing to their utmost esp Meisi and jasmine.. aT thiS valentine's daY, I jus wan to say thaT i love theM loTs.. muAckS!!!!!

HappY vdAE to u and to me.. eveN thoUGh my vdae was lonelY, it was a meaningful one.. i'm jus satisfied that i have such a great team in vdae comm..

Little gal jus wants to braG about her cOmm in the dreaM.. haHax

SupER STRESS!!!!!!

2006-02-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

i'm super busy and super stress now.. whoever that provokes me shall not survive.. anyway, that's jus a way to release my stress a little..

So many thIngs to do.. so little time to do them.. i really really cannot take it le.. so many things undone.. my 3 tuts supposed not donE! my test haven study! my ppt presentation not finished! my flowers not finished wrapping!! and i still hav to go for the Bash.. dunno why must it has to be on thurS!! why cant it be next thurS or fri or sat?!?!!! wHy?! shld i go?? i wonder..

i realLY kinda regret joining DE club.. cos the pple arent helpful when there are so many things to do.. can u imagine 2 gals (me and jasmine) carrying so many many flowers and 2 boxes of roses back from the wholesale to NUS????? can u?! we are how small-sized can?! and fancy only the 2 of us carrying so many stuffs back without the help of the guys in our committee?? wAD crap la.. den wad's worst is.. not being appreciated by the pple who came later.. i really very angry leh.. aint they be shameful that when they should turn up but they didnt?! how could they??

how sucky la.. i really feel so tired and stressed out by all these things.. these events are sacrificing my studieS!! and i'm on the verge of breaking down already.. i feel really weak now, emotionally as well as physically.. cant do my hmk well becos mind stop functioning.. i really feel like cryiNg.. i jus want to cry and scream out loud.. want to scream until i hav no energy but i cant spare even that little time doin these.. i hav no time..!!!

little gal tells herself to be strong in realising her dreams...

Busy Day...

2006-02-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

Really really very busy..

Haven finished the ppt for my SS module for next thurs.. hoW????!!!
But right noW, i'm still doing my Vdae and Bash stuff.. wad crap?!!! i really feel very stressed leH.. as if i'm gonna get suffocated, feelin very breathless.. alot of things to do.. but very little time for me.. seems to be very rush.. deN on sat i'm having econs mid term test 40% weightage sia..

I hope Vdae and Bash will turn out well becos its the FIRST and SECOND event for BIz cOmm.. dun waN to screw it up.. i waNt them to be successful.. deN i will be able to concentrate on my studies and start mugging for this Semester...!!!

Sighx... whY do i kiLl myself with so many activitieS? am i nutS? tHink i haV to perserVE.. that's one of the motto that cedarians are tauGht..
jiA yOu to myself and yOu oso!!!!! hEEx..

Little gaL talking nonsense again.. dreaming of better future..

thE daY came..

2006-02-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

We broke up...

iTs nobody's fault as what he has put it.. we are just very different in our thinking and character.. bUt i'm really very sure that he is going to make a very good husband in future..

we went to watch "i'm not stupid too" around evening time at marina.. He said that night there would have fireworks at esplanade.. after the show we packed some fast food and made our way to esplanade.. we talked alot.. he realised how i was thinking.. both of us felt that we couldnt see any future if we continue like this, so conclusion is to break up.. even though both of us hurt alot, this is the only choice that we can choose...

hE said i'm clinging on alot on the past which i think is really very true.. i love him alot alot alot.. love him so much that i really made him my laogong.. we was so so sweet to me.. buyIng my favourite drink for me when he comes my house.. realLy miss alot of small small things that he will do for me..

somehow that feeling disappears.. i no longer love him as much as before.. i cant commit my life to him oso.. perhaps its my age.. siGh..

iF fate permits, peRhaps we may get back together again next time..

Small gaL dreamIng of her own perFect world..

i dun waNt to groW up..

2006-02-08T15:21:00.001+08:00

不想长大

为什么就是找不到无邪的玫瑰花
为什么遇见的王子都不够王子啊
我并不期盼他会有玻璃鞋和白马
我惊讶的是情话竟然会变成谎话

为什么幸福的青鸟要飞的那黱高
为什么苹果和拥抱都可能是毒药
我从没想过有了他还孤单的可怕
我突然想起从前陪我那个洋娃娃

我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没有花
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后我就会失去他
我深爱的他深爱我的他
已经变的不像他

我不想我不想不想长大
长大后世界就没有花
我不想我不想不想长大
我宁愿永远都笨又傻
我不想我不想不想长大
长大后我就会失去他
我深爱的他深爱我的他
怎么会爱上别个他

daUGhtEr's namE shaLL be...

2006-02-01T00:07:00.001+08:00

nExt timE, i shaLL nAme mY dauGhter as En Ci (mErcy).. thOugHT its a verY meaniNGfuL and niCe to listeN name..
foR my sOn, i haVen found any gooD namEs yet.. shaLL thInk abt it.. hMm..

haPPy cHineSE nEw yeAR!!!

2006-01-30T00:42:00.001+08:00

thiS is a diFFerent nEw yEar..

FirstLy, mY famiLY rEached my faTher's side plaCe rathEr late.. thInk onLY reachEd at around 2 plus pm.. den when we reached therE, moStly all gone le.. qUitE feW ppLe thEre.. den we sat down and ate our lunch.. thInk we onLY staYed thEre for abt an houR, den we left the plaCe le.. coS we nEEd to go down to mY mothEr's side uncle's house..

mY faThEr drove us down from paSir riS to semBawaNg, where my unclE lives... wE weRe rathEr earlY coS not many has arrivEd.. wheN we reachED, we saw them playIng mahJong... haNds got a little itch... so not lonG after i reached, i oso sat down to play.. my first round is PIng Hu lehx.. very lucky.. but next few rounds, not very good liaox.

anYwaY, i recieved compliments from few of my aunties thaT i Looked really pretTy.. one of theM thought that i was my bro's gf becos she cant recognise me.. doTx.. thaT's kinda absurd.. i dint change alot ofrom last year mahx.. did i? hMmm.... but my another auntie oso said my sister and i changed alot le.. gettIng pretTier le.. hhEex.. gooD complimentS.. =) some of my cousinS also felt the same way.. one told my sis that i became prettier and skinnier le... oKay.. i shaLL staY it thaT waY manx.. loVe my reD drEss.. hEex.. nicE and simplE thouGh may make me lOOk more mature..

i played mahjong until around 5 plus pm.. den started singing karoake.. quite fun.. sing until now abit sore throat le.. but dint feel that i have sung enuff.. reallY wan to go kBox leh!!! haHa.. den i sing until 8pm before i hav my steamboat dinnEr... niCE food.. but got scolded by grandma for having such late dinner.. hMm.. anywaY, i left the place at around 1030pm.. took cab hOme witH my 2 other cousins.. theY goinG some clUb at seranGoOn gardEn.. sInce its along the way, so we jus go together lor.

tmR shalL be another slackINg daY for me.. tiNK its time i start studying after the CNY hols.. hMmm.. hoW do i Look in This Photo?

liTtle gaL staYs in her dreamland..

i'M soRRy dear..

2006-01-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

i fEel sO angry wiTh myselF.. wAds wroNg wiTh mE? wAD do i reaLLy wanT frOm hiM?! iTs hiS bdAe, anD i actuaLLy ruIned iT toTallY.. smaShed hiS heArt..i realLy dinT waN thaT to happeN.. i SweaR i did not..

whY did i not get hIm anY prEsenT for his bDae?
mY excuSe is thaT i dInt noe waD to geT hIm (even up till now i stilL duNNoe wAd i shld get).. bUt in the enD, i stIll turned up with a chocolate fudge cake..

whY didnT i feel like goinG out with him even though its his bdAE?
mY reasON is that i dUN hav a present for hiM den it's like reallY very weird to jus eat lunch with hiM.. anOther reasoN is also because hiS familY is havINg a reunion dinnEr togethEr, how could i ask him out for dinnER?

whY did my loVe foR hiM deteriorate so much?!
hE usEd to be my prioriTy.. i loVed hiM so much thaT i was also very shocked.. wAd happenEd noW? is iT becoS our livEs haV became so routined and monotonous thaT it dEcreaSes my love for hiM?

his attituDe towards me..
juS verY haPpy and eXcited and want to maximise the time spent with me.. so loNg i am beside him, he will be very glad.

mY aTTitude towarDS him..
quite colD.. not as haPpy as before.. hAv liTtle urge to see hIm.. i duN like to see him sad or angry, i wanT him to be haPPy.. buT in the end i made myself moRe tiRed... even thoUgh i may not feel like doing some things, i do them for his sake.. because i'm afraid to see him unhapPY or angry or depressed.. i duNno wads wrong with me.. i'm too calm on the pHone.. thaT's the scariest part.. i seeM to be expeCtin all thEse to happeN alreadY..

he saiD if our love last time was 100%, now is only 10 %.. aLthoUgh his loVe foR me maY haV increaseS, my loVe for him hAs dEcreASeD in leaps and bounds.. i tolD hIm i osO duNnoe whY that happened (but i'm lying i think).. i thiNK i noe the reason.. but anywaY, i tolD hiM its beCause oF the too routinEd liFestylE.. hE aGrEed to a certain eXtenT thaT hE iS unablE to brinG me around (becoS goiNg out = spending money).. hE is kinDa pooR noW and he confEsses thaT it wiLl continuE to be like daT for at least another 2 years.. howevEr, i told hiM eveN wiThout moneY we are stiLl ablE to do othEr simplE thINgs, like kite flying.. he kinDa geT waD i meant.. but he saiD he's onLY 10% confident of giving me thE kinD of lifestylE and relationship thaT i wanT.. meaniNg, in future, it wiLL moSt probably (90%) be in the samE situation as now..

haIx..i'm reaLly surpriSed that i dint cry.. most of the time, i will cry.. i dint noe why i dint shed any tears.. i am even more confident of the things i feel..

i'm very sorry about the contradiction.. in somE sensE, i feel that i hav misled him.. last timE before we got together, i told him i'm lookin for a long-term relationship.. i wanted to find a husband, not jus a boyfriend.. he took up that mentality of beinG my long-term pArtnEr, makinG me hiS prioriTy in his liFe.. yEt mE, alwaYs makIng him as my opportuniTy cosT (last resort)..by right i shld not have yearn for any more freedom.. i shlD juS put him as my utmost important person in my life (since he's gonna be the person who will be by me for the next 50 years).. howEver, maybe its becos of my age, i'm not prepared to sacrifice my freedom, my friends and my commitments for his sake.. my mentality is i'm still so yOung, how caN i forgo sO manY thIngs jus to be with him?!??!? how to?? i reaLLy cannot.. i wanT to enjoY life, i wanT to experiencE alot of othEr thIngs..i caNt jus let go jus becos i need to accompany him?!!
on the other hand, i likes the way he dotes me, making me feel that i'm the most impt person in his life.. he always giveS in to me even thouGh my request may not be reasonable..
iN liFe, theRe's no such thiNgs to have the best of both worldS.. ofteN, we can onLy chooSe onE and sacrifice the othEr.. thiS is realLy diFFicult.. lEt mE tinK about it..

liTtle gaL dreaMIng in hEr owN worlD..

hoW i wiSH i wiLl nv grow uP den i wiLl not haV to faCe sucH trouBleS and problems.. i wanT to liVe in mY own dreams..

wAd a buSy Day?!!!

2006-01-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

toDay iS a supER siaNx daY for Me.. firsTlY, i slepT reaL "earlY", at abt 530am.. deN wokE up at abT 820am.. I waS doIng mY pPt foR the presentatiOn at thE EnglisH moDule.. deN i rEached scH at abt 10am and waS reaLLy quITe sleEpy.. osO realised thaT i haD a liTtle soRe throat.. aNywaY, i dINt perform well aT the prEsentaTion la.. feeling kinDa suckY abT it, but lOokIng back thaT it onlY constitutEs 5markS, i felT sliGhtly bettEr.. afteR enGlisH leSson was mY BU leCture.. wAs seriousLY FAlLIng aSleep cos Bu is REAl borinG..i triEd to listeN, but i dUn reaLLy understand lehx.. hMMm.. afTer thE lectuRe we kindA puBliciSe the bouquetS thaT we made yesterday.. wE took the bouquets ouT from the DE room and brought to the lecture halL for pPle to loOK at.. neXt came the biZ coMm meetiNg regardinG the recenT uPcomINg eventS.. eVEry IC of the event had to giVE a suMmary and most updated info aBt their events.. theY osO toOK this opportunITy to ask foR assistance in any waY that they nEed.. Bash pplE osO had a meetINg, loOKs like it was almost fuLl strenGth unlikE vDae's.. anywaY, i reaLLy hopE thAt aLL ouR evenTs wiLl bE succeSsfuL despIte the pAcked schedule.. 14th Vdae, 15th SDE Day and 16th SDE Bash.. afteR meetINg, we went mAcs for lunch.. I solD 1 trial bouquet to zi hOng at 15 bucks.. felT quite proud abt it.. becoS the bouquet that hiS gf took was the one that i wrappEd.. realLy felT a gReat sense of satisfactiOn.. deN the othEr 2 bouquetS were brought back by pEiweN and Serence respectively to heLp me puBliciZe.. 12 white rosEs bouquEt 12 ReD roses boUqueT

nEw Blog

2006-01-27T02:17:00.000+08:00

Okay.. thiS shalL be MuaH's bLog.. hAd too manY Blogs until i alSo abit blUr untiL *aheM* asked me if this was my bLog.. haha.. weLL.. i actuaLLy forgOt abT thiS at all.. noW dat i cheCked, i thInk i realLy very bLur..

k.. let's start bloGging.. BusY daY!!! woKe uP eaRlY in the morning for my morning 10am Law lecture. deN went to Biz Fac to meeT tErenCe for lUnch.. hE waS laTe by 1 mInute.. whilE i was earlY.. reallY rare to see me earlY lehx.. wELl.. deN wantEd to gO to sHeareS haLL one.. buT deN no timE le, i haV to go for my lEsSon at 2pm.. (so paIseh.. i stiLl duNno where is SheareS haLL loR).. aFter 3 hours of tUt, wenT bacK to SDE to take photos oF the fLowErs.. deN meiSi and Khala have to go.. sO left mE to wrap the whiTE rosEs bouquet.. i fEel quitE prouD of iT lehx.. coS the pictures loOk reaLLy not bAd.. deN wad haPPened was actuaLLy there should be a meetIng at LR427 for the standing committee one.. buT alL paNg sei.. sinCE no biZ pple goin, so i stayed in the DE club room to wrap floWers lor.. bUt deN felt abIt bad.. so wenT to the lectuRe wiTh my dEar after i finisHed wrappINg..
thE meEtIng was abT pubLicity and marketiNg conducted by Danny and Arun respectively.. rEallY sounds very prO.. buT den by the timE i reachEd, 3/4 of the sessions gone le.. buT reaLly very sianx.. no wonder nobody came.. oPS.. shHH... the eFforT was appreciated though..
the meeting ended at abt 820pm.. and i still haven had my dinner.. promiSe my dear to go marina Bay to celebrate his bdae with his other pri sch friends.. so no choice hav to go.. den got to break my golden rule of not eating after 8pm.. we tOok a cab down from SDE to marina.. and by the time we reached, i think it is around 9pm le.. sAt down, got the food, BBq the food.. i thInk i was kinda tired and sianx.. no entertainment.. so i acted sTupid in front of guO shenG and dear.. hoW daRe guO shenG calliNg me spaStic.. haHa. but it was la.. supposed to be that way actually.. cos too boring le.. den nobody entertain me.. so no choice.. entertain myself.. was there until abt 1120pm.. before Royston (dear's pri sch friend) fetched me to outram park mrt station..
Oh. one more thIng is.. mY blacK diaMond heelS spoilt le.. the sTrap came off.. den have to walk barefooted from outram park mrt to home.. thInk gals waLK withOut shoes looK kinda sexy wor.. haHa.. anywaY, that was adapted from somebody else's..
after i go homE, dear and his friends went on to have the second part of the programme... hopE u guys hav fuN.. mE gotta come home to edit my pPt otherwise tmr's presentation diE!! noW finished doinG ppT le.. so heRe am I happilY bloggiNg awaY..
heEx..

dO i loVE blogGIng? hMm.. we shaLl See...

liTtle gaL dreaMing alone agaIN..

NeW yeAR 2006

2006-01-02T16:09:00.000+08:00

Jus finished celebrating mY bdAe and the earlier ChristmAs.. musT say thaT i dinT enjoY as much as i hAd in these 2 impt days as compared to the previous years.. vEry disappOinted.. reaLLy soBx..
waD happenEd is that i will always have a party on my bdAe.. as It happens to fall oN a very populaR datE.. hoWever, becos this yeAR i really feel very tired to organise such parties, den realised nobody (except my boy) asked me out on my bdAe.. SoBX soBx... hoW comE like dat one?!?! haiX..
but luckilY, peePs from UCC helped me to celebrate beforehand le, so dinT feel like kiLLing myself yet.. osO my bOy was with me on my bdAe, dats why not that baD..

mY these few days weRe quite hapPeninG... theY were as folloWed:
29th - UCC chalet
31st - my bdAe + new yeaR countdown
1st - neW yeaR

29Th dEc
thE chalet was reaLLy fuN.. i thInk i reached the place at around 3 plus pm.. waS very QiaO to meet CharissA at the eUnos mRt, peArlYn and muGanT on the traIN.. hMm.. den wheN we reacHed theRe, i was pretTy stunnEd as i dint noE maNy pPLe theRe.. iT waS quite scarY at firsT la.. den most pple were watchiNg the shoW on HBO channel, while otheRs were playIng mahjONg at one corner.. wEll.. guEss wad i do? haha.. no la.. nothiNg happenIng.. i was lOokinG at them playiNg mahjOng lor.. lOoking aT abEl's tilEs.. abEl at one round become xiao xiang gong.. den no choice cannot win le.. deN he oso dun feel like playiNg.. i wanTed to take over his place to play but then a guy camE ovEr and joined the game.. weLl. abit sad initiallY.. but then sanchia gave up his place to play too.. so i cAN play agaIn.. hehex.. anyway, the guy's name was terenCE..
peArlyN asked me to teach her mahjoNg but i dint nOe where to start as the game was rather complicating and hard to teach while playinG it.. hMm.. bUt i tried to teach her thiNgs like "pONg" and "chi".. thInk i still failed to teach her well as she left to join the pictionary game..
hMmm. dint play mahJOng for reallY very loNg.. since Jc1 i think... actualLy i'm really not pro.. but i do noe how to game using the easiest method.. haha.. howeveR, i dinT win at all when i was playiNg with chu hua, a Team maNageR and terenCe.. think tErenCe is too pro le lA.. mE onLy beginnER standard, somemore nV play for such a loNg timE.. how to be hiS match leh?!? hMm.. anyway>.. hE's kinda friendly la.. cos he actually teaChes me hoW to plaY durIng the ovErnigHT mahjoNg sessiOn we hav got..
It is reaLLy fUn to keep wiNning wheN he's arounD.. he taUGht me the technique and the kind of mentaLIty to haVe while plaYing.. He osO tauGht me how to couNt the "tai".. coOl.. fUN gamE!... thInk i abiT addictEd liaO.. haHx.
thaT chalet was fUn.. i kinDa enjOyed mysElf.. glAd thaT i hav staYed ovEr.. haPPy bDae to mE.. hEeX..

LittLe gaL dreaMIng in thE smaLL littLe world..